you. should. get. a job! as an editor.

what a tool.

just had to mention this. and for gabriel winanat: thank you. i find middle eastern culture dense and confusing and will take all the help i can get. the title is hilarious.

LW,

You are obsessing about something that has nothing to do with the real problem.

Your need to control someone else and that someone else's reaction to you. Perhaps she was biting her nails because she was nervous to be around a self-absorbed person with extreme control issues.

Get some help for yourself and for your family. Your poor wife. I hope she is better at reading your cue cards. It sounds like you demand that from everyone.

I probably dated you. Jerky.

that I have no idea who Jon and Kate are! I'd like to keep it that way, so no offense H.H., but I'll have to miss this one.

"...our obsession with rich teenagers will baffle..."

Yes. Completely utterly baffled that anyone finds wealthy teen angst interesting or worthy of any time.

Great stuff Amy Benfer! Hilarious, witty, enjoyable reading.

I don't know much about your situation and won't pretend to... but from what you've shared, your guys sounds a tad OCD.

Yikes.

Run like the wind! His "condition" will most likely get a worse. Unless of course you are a fixer type and can learn to not to take anything personally or have the ability to tune people out. Don't know many of those though. At least not many who can actually hear.

Whatever you do, don't leave the cap off the toothpaste tube!

I will print and keep it. Until I buy your next book, which I hope this will be in.

Bearded lady. Brilliant!

Cary,

This resonated with me and I thank you for it. To have such clarity accompanied by the ability to express yourself so easily and with humor is a gift. I was intrigued by this letter for the same reason:

" I know as men we sometimes do not appreciate the burden of being constantly seen. To constantly be the object of others' gaze. As if you were under surveillance!"

LW,

I don't agree with anyone who asks, "Where is this going?". Why does it have to be a moneymaker or a big ticket to be worthy? When I was young I had a book called The Mouse with the Musical Ear. It was simply about following your passion which ends up being pleasing to others too. Play on! Play a little with friends maybe, impromptu. From one music lover to another I say, find open space and fill it with your music.

Kevin Bacon, Richard Gere, Harvey Keitel, Christian Bale and Tim Robbins have all done full frontal. Even if it may have been just a peek. I agree there needs to be some more of this. Who's next?

I was clapping into my monitor. You may not have been able to hear my cheers and clapping but there are a lot of people who agree with everything you said.

Palin should be a barista at Starbucks. She'd be great!

is onto something re: Paglia.

are so good at spinning, they should've been DJs.

Dear LW,

I've been on both sides of this noise war and can tell you there is rarely a solution that works. Before you spend countless frustrating hours worrying over this, draw up a clear list of all your options and begin acting on your list. Without even looking at the rest of the letters here, I am sure there is some useful advice in the middle of the usual mean spirited projection.

Exactly why I don't read the letters here anymore.

Anyway, always start in a straightforward manner and by talking to the person or people who are disturbing you. Until you do that you can't know quickly or aggressively to proceed. Remember that the people above usually have no idea how loud it is for the people below (in many situations eh?), but it isn't personal. Since you've had such sucky experiences, get a noise machine, a fan, earplugs, melatonin, and a flashlight, keys and slippers to put next to your door for when you will have to march upstairs. Because you will need these things handy if you stay.

Landlords, managers, and especially owners are responsible to deal with these things promptly. You know that they won't bother though, right? It's not just an unwillingness, it's an incapability thing.

Good luck. I feel your pain! There endless stories from years of renting to write here for you, and looking back some of them are hilarious... but this is your story not mine. In 2007 Harry Bean made a movie about this sort of thing with a perfect title: Noise.