I love to read and write on Salon for many reasons. It gives me an interesting beginning to the day, a way to warm up the fingers and communication. Cary's letters are interesting, Heather H is funny, there are amazing book reviews and well, I could go on and on. The mean posters have been a bummer though and I assumed the editors would knock em out. I just found this little stream of anon going on and boy am I late to this party. Guess you've all gone home, but me, I am ruminating.

I've been wondering why so many vitrolic and cruel responses seem to come from anon posters and mentioned it a few times. It is distracting and just completely off topic. A way for a wacko to find an unwiling yet captivated audience. It is disrespectful and antagonistic. That is what they seem to want, for people to get so annoyed that we stop bringing ideas to the table. TO STOP PEOPLE FROM COMING HERE.

I think Monty had a great idea, number them. Why not? Dunno if it will help but removing it would unfortunately take away from some personal and sensitive topics. I get a kick out of the recurring posters I can identify in some way, but the anon is a buzzkill. On the other hand, it isn't as if our screen names have anything to do with reality!

Tough one for Joan. Good luck and I wish you well in dealing with these playground bullies!

Moving right along....

You need to read the children's book The Gas We Pass.

That's all I've got to say 'bout that.

Sundberg says, " I think that people do shy away from the complexity of this.... "I don't want to get involved when I have to do too much work to figure out how to address this situation." "

This is true of so many issues. Many people want to help but don't have the time to sort it all out. There is so much history with countries that isn't understood. We can be myopic and settle into routine, kids, a mortgage, etc. Willfully distracted while people cry for help.

Thanks for doing this, for trying to sort through it and for dragging it furthur into the light so we can see it and begin.

Thank you to Faraby and Hoosier Daddy (maybe others too) who point out some of the posters like Betty Boop and the usual "Anonymous" who say cruel things.

To those Anonymous cowards and bullies: It is surprising that you seem immune to suffering because we all suffer. Your life has been too hard or maybe you've not suffered enough? Either way, your ignorance in this case is stunning. Do you just poke your head into these streams to make people feel bad? Why not join a hate group of some sort that matches your anger, why come here?

Your words define you here. By the way, you also represent what I use as fuel to work against you and yours. Thanks for the inspiration.

I don't think there is much left to say after Cary's response. I have posted on this subject before because I have the misfortune of sharing the pain of losing someone close. I am so very sorry. I don't think it can be without intense blinding pain.

Know that you are not alone and do what you must to get where you need to be for some kind of closure. This is your past in it's entirety represented by a person who is presumably the most important female figure in your life.

That is a pretty big goodbye.

Godspeed.

Thank you.

Wow, taking the advice of a poster, I googled my real name, just to see if everyone really has some personal info online. I am a porn star, and I didn't even know it!

Oh what fun!

Sometimes when we do things that we know are not right, it hurts us most. If you can keep your mouth shut, maybe you'll be lucky and not hurt anyone else.

You said, "Even secure women sometimes feel some insecurity- you'd have moments of insecurity too if you were constantly baraged on a daily basis with images of semi-clad drop-dead gorgeous women peddling products, posing on magazine covers, displayed on billboards...everywhere you look, the message is "you'll never be this beautiful." "

Moments of insecurity are to be embraced because they actually make you better, stronger, and more honest. It's OK to be insecure. Was it Henry Rollins who said, " The only real security in life is insecurity" ? We all get pelted with this advertising myth and the stars and the cleverly covered torsos of wannabe models and bullshit artists. We all get hit and no one escapes. Unless of course, you can transcend by knowing that who you are and what you are is right.

Focus on more than just where his eyes go. That is rudimentary if you are serious that you may marry this person. Listen to some of the posters here, there are some interesting and very personal takes on your sitch.

Don't get so caught up in the glitter. We all want to be loved unconditionally, it's human nature isn't it? You sound so bummed about this that I want to kick you boyfriend in the shins and he really didn't do anything, except exhibit bad manners and maybe poor taste.

We all have insecurities... run from someone who tells you otherwise.