When people focus on your appearance and make comments, aren't they simply expressing their desire to look differently themselves? A lot of people are insecure about appearances so they are focused on that, and sometimes only that. I know the type of comments you describe and find they are backhanded compliments.

As an example, I have a girlfriend who is stunningly beautiful (to many different types people). I mention this because I have noticed when we are out she gets looks and stares and yes, people say odd things to her.

Especially women.

They check her out like a piece of clothing or other inanimate object, never bothering to really look into her eyes. One said to her that she must really have time to take care of herself and what does her husband do for a living. People make petty comments to me about her when she is not around once in a while. Things like, "Her tits aren't even real.", "She works out like an animal, all the time. It's all she does." or "Is she smart?"

Duh. All completely off track. All assumptions to make themselves feel better.

It's their sh** not yours. Think about it LW, and focus on something more important after rejoicing over your thin athletic self.

It appears we have a few people a little unhappy with their bodies in this thread. Here they come marching with catty insults aimed at complete strangers!

Yay, good idea to keep attacking each other ladies. It's a positive way to spend your time, pissed because someone is thinner or better looking or whatever. The cosmetic industries thank you.

LW,

I am sorry that you are suffering. It still haunts a lot of us. It may manifest differently, but it's ever present. There is help available and if you want to find it, you will.

Cary is the real deal. It's surprising that people don't notice that more often.

She's your best friend.

WTF?

LW,

Your letter made me chuckle. Not because I am laughing at you, but c'mon, this situation was funny! Everyone does these things sometimes and probably much worse. If she's uptight, she may act stiff around you because she is uncomfortable with the boundary that was accidentally crossed, but it isn't a big deal.

You are a human being, congratulations! Give yourself an embarrassed hall pass and let it go. You did nothing wrong.

Now if she would have walked in and you were bent over your desk with her husband behind you...

It's not even a real boob anyway.

Daydreaming is my favorite thing to do so I feel your pain, especially on the logical organized side of life. I can't have nice things because I will lose them. Like the prescription sunglasses and the bluetooth headset. Doh!

While we are "solving the world's problems" we can't even find our keys. A touch of ADD perhaps, and definitely maddening. The movie scene that cracks me up even years later is in the French film Amelie, when Audrey Tatou breaks into the grocer's flat and changes the speed dial, the shoes, the doorknobs and hides his stuff. Has she been in my flat too?

I know a lot of people would agree about this disconnect. Life is moving at the speed of light and most people are stretched for time and sleep. It's no wonder people don't lose touch and lose stuff more often. I could have written part of your letter so I am just chiming in so that you know this is common.

LW,

My 30 year old cousin was in a motorcycle accident that left his body and mind devastated. He lived with his Father then his Mother and was frequently overnight in my parent's home. My disabled Grandmother lived with my parents for 11 years. She also spent years in nursing homes which smell like soggy mops, tv dinners and putrid linens. I was not passive like you and it didn't always go well. I write to let you know that it doesn't matter. There isn't much you can do, even if it is your father or spouse.

It's a big rip off getting old or losing your body and mind. There is no graceful way to go about this. Perhaps your Mother lacked compassion, but you were involved too. My best friend works for Hospice and the experiences she has had with families have illuminated the beauty and ugliness of the human spirit. No one is prepared for death or the destruction of the family ideal.

Take a look at why you respond this way in situations of gravity, but do it with mercy.

I can't read the article because it's tough get past those photos... and now there is a particular banjo song on replay in my head.

we're all kind of jerks huh.

How you act in your car is the real you. Not real purty is it?

Now if I could just get the banjo song out of my head from that other article containing images of the 3 morons talking about shooting Obama. Man, reading tonight is like hearing a mob screaming that we are all doomed. With people like those 3 voting, procreating and... yes, driving... maybe we are!

Great read. You made my day!

I was in 'Hangover CSI' and I can think of a few people who could use some 'Real World Baghdad'. You crack me up!