This part of Cary's response is what I was thinking, but it's perfect the way it is and deserves a reprint:

" We long for a way out, don't we? But why do we assume that the way out is to cultivate a sudden and unaccustomed indolence? Is luxury our only model of serenity? If so, we have been led astray. (I had a feeling we had been led astray!) The way out often is only a way deeper in. Conversely, a deeper way in is often the only way out. And meanwhile and forever, the fervent pursuit of leisure is a sure route only to continuing anxiety." -CT

Yep, that about covers the escape to Mexico query for you, LW. Now about that 3 million: After taxes, and settling your living situation (including payment of any debts), you'll have something to work with. You could be in a position to make big changes in your life if it's invested wisely. Depending on where you live though, I'd be careful not to get too "we're covered for the rest of our lives and can just drink" comfy.

I am so distracted in my attempt to figure out what is going on in that picture accompanying the article that I can't read right now.

Without reading past the first several paragraphs I want to add a few things. Quit the drugs, unless you have to have the smallest dose of Ativan or a few drinks. Not both. Also, this experience sucked for everyone involved but we've all made mistakes. Move on and make changes but don't beat yourself up because you made a big mistake. Also, if you are able, look for another job. Good luck.

There are so many factors that have to click in a good relationship, and so many 'unseens' that it is nearly impossible to tell at first. Great questions Cary! LW, all you can do is keep open and aware of your intentions and desires. We all lose ourselves sometimes, and attraction is powerful enough to knock your logic and sense right out of you. Who has not been dumped, duped or generally humiliated? Who has not hurt someone else? Do you think you are alone in your feelings, when there are so many people searching and also many lonely people who seem to have given up. To open your heart when you are mixing it up out there with the animals has it's risks, and there is no pain like "that" kind of pain.

Love, intimacy and the deep stuff cannot be rushed though. Fear based dating will only bring disappointment and disillusionment. At 33 you are just hitting your stride girl, so at try to have some fun and enjoy the ride! There are good guys out there and I hate to say it, but it is true that you will just know when you meet one. Maybe that is why there are so many jerks out there, so that by the time a genuinely loving and kind hunk enters your life, you'll be wide awake.

First I am so sorry to hear about the experience with the pediatrician who is too despicable for words. Your letter made me want to cry. I am way out of my realm even responding because the phrase you used, what was it, a guy reaching to unbutton your jeans? Well, it sounds kind of hot to me, so clearly I have no clue what you are dealing with.

This letter is infuriating! I want that doctor to suffer! However, this isn't about the sick pediatrician, it is about you and the truth is that you have to take this on and deal with it. That doctor gave you something that doesn't belong to you and you have to give it back. You do not own this. You can be healthy and sexual and have fun all at the same time. Also, even though you did not say the Doctor was male, you must already know that from now on you can only have female doctors.

I know a few people who have been molested or sexually abused and they are promiscuous in my opinion. In fact, they are provocative and salacious. So, even though you feel trapped, at least you haven't gone off the deep end. Your body has been shutting you down. There is a way to get healthy, and enjoy yourself.

Cary said it: The issue is trust. I hope you find a talented and compassionate therapist, a loving partner with a slow hand, and that you find absolute healing. Good luck to you LW.

Whoa. I am so sorry. Your post, along with this letter, just made me cry. I am so very sorry and hope you find a way to heal these wounds. There are really good people and there are healers out there. You may have to look hard to find them, but they are there. Believe it.

LW, you are not alone.

I am posting late to this party and this may have been said but... change is indeed the exception. We often hear, when in love or in a relationship, the things we want to hear. You sound level-headed and your letter was clear and well-written, but your boyfriend isn't going to change. I know some people like him. They are fun, but damn I am glad they aren't my boyfriend!

Cary, that was an INTENSE journey. I am speechless and astounded.

A few replies made me laugh though. Amergio, you crack me up with this part: "he could try switching to You Porn". Do you have any idea how funny you are that you mention that site in a thread for someone addicted to porn?

Porn...whatever. We all have our addictions. If it gets you through and no one gets hurt. That is the key though: No one gets hurt from YOUR addiction. Just be honest. You never know, maybe she wants to watch too.