Cary is onto something when he says he hates it when they tell you to calm down. What I hear a lot of in your letter is that feeling of being misunderstood or judged. Everyone goes through rough patches and everyone behaves inappropriately sometimes. Give yourself a hall pass and move forward with dignity and intention.

I say this as if I know what I am talking about only because I had a group of friends once who aren't around anymore. Years ago I introduced them and they all ended up estranged, from me! Who knows what really happened, it was a tough time and they probably got sick of me whining. We can only control ourselves and it is unrealistic to expect friends to love us even when we are acting very ugly for long stretches of time.

I hated it when they told me to calm down!

Bring on the monsters, the inappropriate and the unstable, the extremes and the misunderstood! I just want real and LW, you sound pretty real. It will be alright. You can make changes to your expectations of others and choose to be happy and grounded. One thing I know for certain: The world just needs a few more Carys and a few less critics and judges.

Loved what you wrote and how you wrote it. Both sides sound familiar and I am sure many can relate. I am just curious why you sent it anonymously. Since screen names aren't real and unless your desperado is on Salon and looks for your moniker (which isn't outrageous given your description), how could you be recognized? You see, it's kind of fun for me if I like what someone has written to have the option to see what else they've done, but there is no where I can go to read the other thoughts of "anon".

This is great!

"She was really cool underneath the crazy."

Has me laughing and it applies to a few of my friends of both genders.

"But if we all have to try to remain perfectly sane in real life at all times, why not go ahead indulge our crazy, romantic, idealistic selves on Salon?"-m

I smell what you're cookin'.

Who could have guessed that a fight breaks out overnight between the Salon readers? I've got just one question:

Can't we all just get along?

KK on the street, talking fantasy baseball was funny. I really enjoyed it, thanks!

I don't think the 'deconstruction' or reconstruction of a marriage or partnership requires that you are currently in one yourself.

I am well acquainted with your situation, if not in a bar, then in other groups. I have a special talent for drawing the ire of people who have expectations like your bar friends. They will see you how they want to see you: cheerful, fun, lovely, humorous, gregarious, sexy... whatever they decide.

Consistency is one thing, living as a type is another. Sometimes you take on roles you may not be aware of and that is how people frame you. If you act like yourself, a fluid real live human being and they don't like your behavior, well that falls under the category of 'not your problem'.

Isn't this how we distinguish the true friends from the pack? Those who see us as we really are and still love us are the keepers.

You crack me up!

I was in Paris recently and came back thinking, "I should have sewn Canadian flags onto everything." Since the only thing I really knew how to say was "May I please have a large glass of red wine?" of course it was a dire situation and after all those glasses, navigating the Metro was precarious. Also, the transportation strike didn't help (one of many?).

There was a movie being advertised right here on Salon that is hilarious. Two Days in Paris, by Julie Delpy, who also stars, with the likable curmudgeon Adam Goldberg. LW, no matter where you are, this will give you a chuckle re: culture shock. Maybe that's another way to go at this fear, with the idea of satire. Could you conduct your own harmless little experiments designed to amuse?

I've heard this from friends who get frozen when they move to big cities. Normally productive and outgoing people who want to curl up in fetal position when faced with the overwhelming task of negotiating the daily routine. I wish you the best, so much so that I wish I could meet you for coffee... right now! We could do our own little candid camera.

I wish I had the balls to do something like this. Can't wait to read this one!

"Unfortunately, there are enough ignorant people for whom it will matter..."

Darn right. I was just on a reunion site with some people who I have not seen nor spoken to for 25 years. I left that area, mostly they did not. Imagine my surprise when up pops a political 'joke' section and the first one was " Who really is Obama?" and his answer was, "Osama's cousin".

I made the guy his own belt buckle that says, "Osama's Cuzin" but something tells me he won't get the joke.

This friend I have (wink wink) cleans her house when she is at the end of her drinking binge. She also takes care of all those mundane tasks that in her normal state she is too high energy to deal with. So perhaps this hungover feeling is slowing you enough to be productive. Kind of like caffeine assists the A.D.D. mind to focus.

A reverse positive effect sounds like it works in your case. Chemistry and intention.

I'll try anything with Bill Nighy! Sounds great. Like the point about 'deeply flawed' at the end.