Crack?

Really?

A sock in the face or a major wake up call will come for him, but what about you? I didn't notice anything in the letter about this relatively new partner being your big love. Are you in love with him? Now that you know this little detail, do you really love him or do you just want to fix him? No way it's just once a week. That is just another part of this that is unbelievable.

I've always failed, miserably, at attempts to mend the wounded partners. I got dragged under every time and it may have been love, but the downward spiral was imminent. You may feel terrible about doing it, but as soon as he is in good hands, support him while calmly moving aside. It sounds like survival will be the name of his game, for a long time.

Relationships are challenging enough without a monkey on someone's back. This is a mean one LW, so good luck.

Offer your time, energies and whatever else you have to give. She is in a fight for her life and if she needs help it would probably be great to know there is someone who can be there, however brief. Nothing is too small to offer when you are in her situation.

Then allow the other person to respond as they will. You are thinking too much.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the daughter being there, but the last thing you want while giving birth are extra bodies around. Unless it is someone helping you out or your partner, people in the room with you can be distracting and possibly upsetting.

ololon, thank you for this quote:

""The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world" -- Max Born"

Juliebird, Hyperion is a good read and now that you mention, as a metaphor for this disease it's really good.

GoodCelery, I must've missed something, uh...

but it is still pretty funny!

My Grandmother had this awful disease and she fell into a state of frustration and unfortunately, cruelty. You wrote that he has "no small amount of vitriol for those around him, including anger at what he didn't understand and couldn't control."

I wonder if he can process that kind of information because this means that he is already deep into it. Maybe the question shouldn't be how to tell him, but how to prepare yourself (and everyone in your family), because it only gets worse.

You can always call his doctor to ask what the usual protocol is and how they advise patients like your Father. What you wrote about him was full of respect and love, even though he was "away" for much of your childhood. It must be awful to see him in this state. Brace yourself for what is ahead though because you are going to have to be a different kind of soldier when you are with your Father. I wish you the best and thank you for serving our country.

Dear LW,

Traveling with kids can be torturous. Staying for 3 weeks sounds unbearable, even in the best circumstances. You didn't do anything wrong, but now you know that your time was too long in one place and that your family has different 'standards'.

That sounds like the trip from hell and I have been there, many times. The worst arguments I've had with family were under jet-lagged and cramped conditions in which expectation clashed with communication. It takes years to undo a few angry words in some families.

We cannot expect others to perceive experience similarly or that they will communicate in the same manner we choose. That is a fast track to considerable suffering! You can continue to act with integrity and kindness and you can take responsibility for anything that you have control over.

The gravity of family may be stronger than we know, but we can choose not to play the same tape and not be part of the same story.

I should learn not to poke my head back into this sort of thread. I did that juuuuuuuuust long enough to read your post Timbuktom, and I am not sure whether to laugh or to cry (for the poor girl posting in this mayhem).

I am still singing Whatta Man in my head if anyone wants to know. Again and for the last time, good luck LW, and I hope you aren't in NYC or SF. One will eat you alive, the other may be a lot of, well, really just hanging out. Have fun!

OK, I am leaving now. I can't take this seriously.

Kisses,

Salt or Pepa... haven't decided yet. Maybe time for a screen name change.

""Let's hang out" is what wussies say instead of "I have tickets to a play. Would you like to go?""

So funny. Truth in jest!

Aw ts, I just want to hug you after you posted, "It feels like a battle all the time and I don't know why it should."

I can see why it feels like a battle because according to what I've witnessed and experienced, it is. It's not all bad though! You just need a solid wing-woman and/or a group of interesting and funny girlfriends to go out with. Maybe you just need to have more fun doing some exhilarating (or even goofy) activities. Take the seriousness out of it while you still young, hot, intelligent, etc!

C'mon now, put on Whatta Man, you know you want to hear it. Dance in your academia, never mind the begrudgers! 99 cents, get it now on your online music store. I know it's hard to believe, but I am not Salt nor am I Pepa but just a girl who wishes you well.

LW, yes we are all nuts here. Since you are on Salon you probably know that already. Good luck in your new city and remember, no rock stars!