You crack me up!

I was in Paris recently and came back thinking, "I should have sewn Canadian flags onto everything." Since the only thing I really knew how to say was "May I please have a large glass of red wine?" of course it was a dire situation and after all those glasses, navigating the Metro was precarious. Also, the transportation strike didn't help (one of many?).

There was a movie being advertised right here on Salon that is hilarious. Two Days in Paris, by Julie Delpy, who also stars, with the likable curmudgeon Adam Goldberg. LW, no matter where you are, this will give you a chuckle re: culture shock. Maybe that's another way to go at this fear, with the idea of satire. Could you conduct your own harmless little experiments designed to amuse?

I've heard this from friends who get frozen when they move to big cities. Normally productive and outgoing people who want to curl up in fetal position when faced with the overwhelming task of negotiating the daily routine. I wish you the best, so much so that I wish I could meet you for coffee... right now! We could do our own little candid camera.

I am well acquainted with your situation, if not in a bar, then in other groups. I have a special talent for drawing the ire of people who have expectations like your bar friends. They will see you how they want to see you: cheerful, fun, lovely, humorous, gregarious, sexy... whatever they decide.

Consistency is one thing, living as a type is another. Sometimes you take on roles you may not be aware of and that is how people frame you. If you act like yourself, a fluid real live human being and they don't like your behavior, well that falls under the category of 'not your problem'.

Isn't this how we distinguish the true friends from the pack? Those who see us as we really are and still love us are the keepers.

I don't think the 'deconstruction' or reconstruction of a marriage or partnership requires that you are currently in one yourself.

KK on the street, talking fantasy baseball was funny. I really enjoyed it, thanks!

Who could have guessed that a fight breaks out overnight between the Salon readers? I've got just one question:

Can't we all just get along?

"But if we all have to try to remain perfectly sane in real life at all times, why not go ahead indulge our crazy, romantic, idealistic selves on Salon?"-m

I smell what you're cookin'.

This is great!

"She was really cool underneath the crazy."

Has me laughing and it applies to a few of my friends of both genders.

Loved what you wrote and how you wrote it. Both sides sound familiar and I am sure many can relate. I am just curious why you sent it anonymously. Since screen names aren't real and unless your desperado is on Salon and looks for your moniker (which isn't outrageous given your description), how could you be recognized? You see, it's kind of fun for me if I like what someone has written to have the option to see what else they've done, but there is no where I can go to read the other thoughts of "anon".

Cary is onto something when he says he hates it when they tell you to calm down. What I hear a lot of in your letter is that feeling of being misunderstood or judged. Everyone goes through rough patches and everyone behaves inappropriately sometimes. Give yourself a hall pass and move forward with dignity and intention.

I say this as if I know what I am talking about only because I had a group of friends once who aren't around anymore. Years ago I introduced them and they all ended up estranged, from me! Who knows what really happened, it was a tough time and they probably got sick of me whining. We can only control ourselves and it is unrealistic to expect friends to love us even when we are acting very ugly for long stretches of time.

I hated it when they told me to calm down!

Bring on the monsters, the inappropriate and the unstable, the extremes and the misunderstood! I just want real and LW, you sound pretty real. It will be alright. You can make changes to your expectations of others and choose to be happy and grounded. One thing I know for certain: The world just needs a few more Carys and a few less critics and judges.

I know a few women who have these things attached to their bodies. From my perspective, it's unattractive and a health risk that isn't worth the supposed benefits. That's not your perspective though, and you are not trying to attract me or anyone like me. What's clear is that you believe they will provide some sort of alchemy. The changes you seek only come from the inside though, Cary is right.

If it matters, count me one vote no for your chest to be cut open and implanted with the fake stuff.

rocks. She just does.

Well done.

While the rest of us are busy deconstructing a silly relationship, you just tell it like it is.

(The line about rolling with the homies has me rolling too!)

"Let's make your girlfriend jealous"

That is so silly. And stupid. And immature.

His response to this was bizarre. It sounds as if you just need one thing: A grown man.

Good luck LW! Hang in there, they do exist.

"the luminous green fizz of a gin and tonic with lime; the metaphysics of pool balls cracking in a slant-light afternoon in a back room off the water somewhere south of Portland where you know you won't be found for days; the longed-for attenuation of an annoying hum; the erotic dream of a hungry and willing partner who promises both surrender and control."-C.T.

And now I too feel like a crackhead.

-Mesmerized e.m.