Just don't get rid of your readers who post regularly. I look for a certain few every day and welcome their fresh thoughts. Also, the wonderful Mr. Tennis, evoking everyday at least three of the nine muses!

walter_map is doing a great job 'moderating' this site, sort of like the history professors I have in my family. At times I disagree, but to his credit, he doesn't get personal or nasty. We may choose to step out of a debate but when attacked it always dampens the discussion for everyone. If I had time to research all of this, it could be a mini course and the credits are free!

I think Unicorns are kinda cool.

Where is Cary and what did you do with the body?

"the interesting things are on the edge"- MS

Well put. Now we are getting somewhere!

There is a brand of candle that causes me to act strangely, standing in any store just for the smelling. Every holiday it's the same behavior. One is called Mistletoe another Holiday Bayberry. Well, yesterday I bought 17 of them.

LW, I share your disdain for the traditional aspect. The dogma is set and you "must obey because this is just how it is!" Meanwhile out on the roadways people are acting like nuts just rushing and frantic and psycho. Purchase more sparkly stuff! Fast! Faster!

To escape the anxiety of holiDAZE, I focus on all the people who keep things working and moving in my city. The teacher as an example: a tough job in most places, especially if you want to make changes. I'll send along anonymous gifts to the teacher maybe. I'll pay for someone's meal- maybe a stranger. Leave a big tip if the service was fun. I'll send out random messages to people I love, and put some music together for them. I don't think any of these 'gifts' has to be so huge and stunning.

How about just stopping to ask someone how they are, while looking into their eyes?

About being alone. The ONLY time I am alone is when my butt is perched in front of this monitor and I write. I crave it, I want it! So what you say about solitude resonates with me, but you must admit it is more interesting when you leave your home or invite other energies in. Maybe right now you just don't feel like being social. Maybe it's just an annoyance to have family members assuming you need something you do not. See, what you wrote makes sense!

There has been one constant in my life: at this time of year it is impossible not to feel suffering and death. The image of people I have known or those who influenced my life comes up, fierce. It's not tragic if they are gone, but it's a reminder. Don't take this for granted and reconnect with someone who matters to you. Being... is not for very long.

Use this time to reconnect with something that matters.

Peace to you.

e.m.

LW, I tried putting myself in your place and I'd be angry. At least frustrated with all the strings attached and the complications. I would not last long with this one. Is he really that great or is he just someone to fill a place you don't want to see empty?

On the other hand, it may not be so much fun to spend the holidays with his family. It may be like one of those bad date movies that tries so hard to make dysfunction amusing. So he did you a favor that stings.

Cary, your response was so kind. You are a rare gem. Have a peaceful and enjoyable holiday break!

I am always amazed that people are still missing something when it comes to others. It goes like this: person by person. That is all. Not gender, race, age, creed, class, etc. Just getting to know one person in real time without preconceived notions. Your buddy hasn't spent much time with black people and he sounds isolated (or insulated) so he just doesn't get it.

LW, you sound educated, thoughtful and progressive for the most part. This guy is not going to change. Nothing you can say or prove will help him. Unfortunately, he is common and he exists in every race and culture. I've seen him and I've experienced him. I get away from him. The limitations of this friend are staggering if you think of the population of this Earth. I suppose if you never leave your house...

While I admire Cary's response, I don't give a rip about the color of people's skin and a friend so focused on this would be frustrating to be with. No matter what color a friend is, it would be annoying at best. Cary is right though about the historical refs and the idea of "in 30 years...". No one gets out without suffering, no one gets out alive and time just marches forward.