Here's a short version of a trip of disillusion:

Frigid temperatures, thin walls, damp blisters, transportation strikes, being hungry but not able to communicate properly what you need, being told you could not get in for dinner with a smirk, "Maybe at midnight", lines that snake around, lost luggage, price fluctuation, broken plumbing, soiled mattresses.

I just wanted to meet the locals, learn more about the culture and explore the area, but was treated like a intruder. In Paris, it was very clear that we were unwanted and unwelcome. Yet, we had this Amelie idea, one of romance and ambiance. Without the art, the trip would have been devastating.

The excrement in the streets and the occasional rude "service person" can be overlooked but the hostility from people was impossible. It was regrettable but not forgettable.

LW,

It seems clear that you aren't number one on this guy's list. You can't change him (have you taken your radical acceptance pills today?), so if you want to be married to him, brace yourself for always riding in the back seat, watching his world go by.

Who hoo! Is he a big guy? Get four more of him and we've got a party in the hotel 'round midnight.

I kid. Bad joke.

LW,

Even though most people are against this billion dollar war sham, I support the people who are working and fighting so that we can enjoy the freedoms of this great country. I thank them every chance I get... THANK YOU! I also 'support' the idea of support, and if he is making the Marines (or whatever grabs his attention) the priority, he isn't supporting you or the impending union very well.

LW, I could have written this. Not about my significant other, but about most of the Earth's population. I wish someone could prove the following statement is incorrect: Most people don't give a rip about the environment past their immediate and daily reality. In other words, if it isn't in their 'yard' and if it doesn't immediately affect them, they don't care.... at all.

Last week I was riding behind a shiny detailed ride and bags started coming out of the windows in an area previously known for glorious trees and grasslands. Loads of trash flung out of this nice car including crumpled McD's wrappers, soiled unidentifiable objects and some random plastic crap. Pulling closer for a glimpse I saw an entire family in the cab. Nice to see that for at least a generation, complete ignorance is being passed on.

"Hey, you dropped something!"

Coming to terms with indifference about the environment has been a painful revelation for me too, which is why Cary's idea of accepting others as they are is the only way. Even though we all share the Earth and have limited resources, a lot of people don't recognize the universal truth of interconnectedness. Maybe a persona like Ghandi could, MLK Jr, Mother Theresa, or Kennedy could create change, but can we? People like us who are busy paying rent and mortgages, shuffling off to school and work and God knows what to stay alive? Most of us aren't going to shift another's consciousness even a tiny bit, but we can live by example.

Before I get too depressed, thank you for doing what you can to avoid the destruction of our world. Thank you for living consciously by doing what you can.

Cary, many of us come here for exactly the reasons you wrote above. Let's summon the madman and bring on the unhinged outcasts! You have shifted a hefty chunk of consciousness with your beautiful outlandish idea of radical acceptance, but I still want to beat that carload of morons and everyone else who ruins our natural world.

...and honesty are key in any relationship. Without them, what you have is a staged relationship, where you go through the motions but your true feelings are disconnected. Intimacy is destroyed and you lose something you probably won't get back in this lifetime.

I admire you for being honest with your wife but cannot imagine her terror when you revealed this. There is nothing wrong with your feelings LW, we all have feelings that drive us to distraction, it's just that you are in a committed relationship.

There is a scene in Notes on a Scandal, where the wife cheats on her husband with a young student from the school where she teaches. Bill Nighy's character is just losing it, furious that his family has been put in this unimaginable situation. To paraphrase, he screams at his wife (Cate Blanchett) in their living room, saying something about how 'Everyone has these desires, they just don't act on them!'.

I don't read your letter and think the Christianity part is an issue, nor do I read your letter and think that even as late as 33 your admitting you are Bi is a problem. I see the words married and kids. If you make the choice to cheat, no matter the situation or the hardware, it could be devastating. You have been honest thus far, but you seem obsessed with trying guys out...and again, you happen to be married, with kids.

Your mind will control your actions, and your seductive fantasies are powerful. What will you do? I always wish that Cary could publish follow up letters, and this has me curious. A man haunted by desire and curiosity, yet married to his religion and family.

With most people I know, they are their own greatest struggle. We are all in a twisted wrestling match... with ourselves.

So, how does it end?

Wow and thanks.

...that I don't live in China.