Letters to the Editor
edziu's muse
Published Letters: 514 Editor's Choice: 21
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supply and demand
[Read the article: Can I have my wedding money now?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I don't know, this sounds presumptuous. Like when my cousin asked my grandparents for furniture she knew would be willed and she wanted to get it before they died. Sort of like that. Just not quite right.
Why not ask for a low or no interest loan and let your mother decide where it comes from? Wouldn't that allow her to feel in control and you to feel exemplary, or at least respectful because you didn't get into the assumed dowry?
If she is comfortable in her retirement, she'll probably work with you. If you suggest that you get what is yours or that mary and susie got theirs and now you need yours ahead of time, it may come off as blind privilege and that leaves her in a tough spot. It's hard to say based on the limited info in your letter so I'll use some personal experiences to explain.
My family has no money but that doesn't stop my brother's from asking for help for every major purchase. Ideally, families would have enough to share and it would be equal every time, but everyone knows it's just not like that. My sister-in-law got half of her home paid for, a gift from my in-laws presumably because she didn't choose to attend college like her brother. Her children have college money from them as well and we didn't get same, nor did we ask.
When I got married, my folks paid a portion of it. Perhaps it was the food, I cannot recall. I did not expect it and saved my own money to deal with those costs. When my brothers got married, my parents paid for most of their weddings based on need. (Their brides were broke.) I didn't ask them to even it out because it doesn't work that way. I got scholarships and work study in college, my brothers did not. My parents paid about half of mine but most of their undergrad and their grad work too, something I didn't get from them. Is this because I am more capable or just less needy? I am grateful for what is offered, which actually means more because it was their idea, not mine.
I don't believe parents have a financial obligation to their children after college or college age. Even then, it works out well for the student to gain some perspective by working PT. The families I know who seem to have the most money and a healthy relationship with it are those where the parents said, my money is mine and you are expected to make your own. That is empowering. It can be a handicap to expect and lean on your family for it, the end result is a financial handicap, a blind spot. If you think the net is there, you might make different decisions and limit yourself.
Money can be a slippery slope in families so any discussion should be without expectation and fear. If you can present it as a loan I believe you'll get much more of what you want and she won't feel trapped or cajoled.
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drink me
[Read the article: I have the hots for my stepson]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Now LW, you know if you drink the hemlock, you're gonna die. It's the unattainable, the off limits, the one you want whom you should not want that is so enticing to you, eh?
Cliche, you are. I bet there are lots of people who had a sip of something in some delusionary state and as another poster said, the other side of your fantasyland aint gonna be so sexy. This one is all in your head. Since your imagination is so damn good, why, oh why don't you just become a writer? You think we come here cause we are so, ehr, conventional in our thoughts?
I just saw Woody's Zelig and laughed at that silly man, because it's a movie. He doesn't feel real to me, Oh hey Soon Yee! Another movie mentioned several times, Notes on a Scandal. Remember when Bill Nighy, the cuckold, is throwing his terrific fit? What does he scream?
To paraphrase, or close: " We all have these feelings, WE JUST DON'T ACT ON THEM!"
Keep it in the vault and join in on some other funky thing that gets you hot. Hey, a few posts back there is a poly couple, a little taste of BSDM maybe, or you could become a dom with cool eyelashes and shiny vinyl and clever putdowns for your younger clients. The world is wide open!
Or you could( forgive me, I just cannot help myself ) wear the t-shirt, yes you know the one....
Kitty Not Happy.
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In the Woods says it quite nicely
[Read the article: I hate buzzwords! It's not "carbon," it's "carbon dioxide"]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I like how Cary picks up on the mob culture, when many brains become one that is smaller and radically less edu-ma-cated. The quantity over quality that seems to direct groups. Moo, baaa!
I agree with and was about to post something similar to In the Woods who said:
"Frankly, these days, I'm just happy when someone speaks in a complete sentence with correct grammar. It's especially nice when words are pronounced correctly, too. And when someone uses a word I rarely hear outloud, like "hegemony," I think I could be in love."
Recently a co-worker used lachrymose while talking about wine. He slipped it in there in such a clever and humorous way that I did feel love! I expect very little from people I am just chatting with, at least when it comes to language.
LW, there are words used more often than carbon that need to be changed: nigger/nigga ( or any other racial, negatively charged words, a long list ), hella ( find some new way to express 'very' ), like ( when used more than once in a sentence ).
I'll be thinking of you as I go through my day, noticing all the incorrect grammar and misuse of language. Maybe I can even learn something! Icky thump!