As a white gay person I can't help but notice a large segment of the African American community is against recognizing my relationship of 10 years because of religious beliefs. I'm still trying to understand it. I didn't realize that there were African American people in very conservative churches living in their own sort of closet. I didn't know that sort of difficulty existed. Maybe I can help you some... I know something about closets and not being in them. :)

One risks his or her entire social support network by coming out. It can be radically destabilizing. But that doesn't mean it isn't necessary and good for you to see this through. Remember that.

First, it is important to establish friendships with like minded people. Check out a site like Meetup.com. It's a website for people who organize all kinds of "meet ups" for whatever reason. For instance, I like to hike. I belong to a hiking group. A friend of mine likes to cook, so she meets with a cooking group a few times a month. There are lots and lots of groups, including philosophical discussion groups. That may be one way into a community of like minded and supportive people. It's important to have people like that not only for your own growth and development, but just in case your regular social network is shaken up pretty bad.

Second, trust in your own goodness and have faith (not in a god way, just in a hopeful way) that the people who love you will eventually come around. You are going to shake up their sense of who you are. It will take them some time to adjust. Be patient. They will eventually find that you're the same good, loving person that you were the day before albeit with different beliefs. You may even find that there are like minded people among the people you and your family are close to. They may not be as brave as you, or they may feel they have more at stake. It's amazing the kind of stuff that comes out when even just one person speaks up.

Third, know that you never fully "come out." There are important legal differences between your situation and mine, but socially speaking you will be "coming out" in different ways to different people throughout your life. Maybe you get a new job and your boss invites you to his church. How do you turn him down tactfully? It's tricky. And "coming out" is never the same way twice.

Oh, and lastly, don't let anyone here minimize the importance of you developing your beliefs in this direction. It's where you are right now, and you can't "go back." You shouldn't be expected to just for the sake of "keeping the peace" anyway.

Good luck, LW. :)

At some point people are going to realize that there is no rational argument left against letting gay people marry. There is only the "ick" factor. And that isn't sufficient.

I do worry about the issue making it to the supreme court at some point, however. It is an extremely conservative court. Talk about activist judges... honestly, I think they would be fine with bringing back sodomy laws. We'll see.

I love reading about the sort of people who made sexually transmitted cancer (HPV) and HIV an explosive world wide phenomena. /golf clap

I think the letter writer who pointed out that being a cop is about enforcement, not helping people per se is on to something important. I have a masters in English, so I've been in that left leaning liberal arts space. Its wide open nature can make one crave the simplicity of yes/no, especially in these economic times. The LW probably won't find work with a liberal arts degree, but since we're incarcerating more and more people there is always a need for law enforcement. I can see why the job is attractive. But if the LW is anything like me, a small bookish woman, your interest may be more emotional than serious.

Everyone is giving great advice about riding with a cop or volunteering, though. Good luck. :)

It's dangerous work. I remember reading somewhere that female cops are attacked more than male cops (probably because they are seen as more vulnerable). Are you tough? Has anyone ever told you you're an intimidating person despite your stature...? If not, I worry about your psychological disposition. You're gonna have to be tougher than your male and large female counterparts.

Why not join the Peace Corps?

I probably won't take a "fuck it" vacation because the thought of living my life in a cardboard box frightens me. And the prospect is real. There is no indication whatsoever that any of this is getting better. In fact, everything indicates a worse situation for at least a few more years.

The smart thing to do would be to stay home, continue to save, and then go on a big ass vacation (with extra cash, not credit) when the economy turns around.

I live in Florida, and I've seen the soup kitchen line around the block. They don't even have enough room in homeless shelters to help everyone, even people with children. Really, until you've seen a scruffy homeless guy fishing in a ditch you may not appreciate how bad things can get. But then unemployment in the city where I work is already 10%. I wonder if the "fuck it I'm going on vacation" people are from places that haven't been particularly hard hit yet? Maybe you guys just don't know what flat broke oh-my-god-how-am-I-going-to-eat looks like. :/