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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
elisa
Published Letters: 13 Editor's Choice: 7
Heather, I agree with everything you've written about Nip/Tuck. However, I think maybe you're missing the spirit of the show. I know it's a fine line between godawful and deliciously godawful, but I like to think Nip/Tuck falls on the "so bad it's good" side of that line. Rather than comparing the show to Six Feet Under, try comparing it to Melrose Place and revel in the over-the-top story lines, poorly developed characters, and completely unnecessary gore. It's fabulous!
As the previous post notes, the time for a man to exercise his own right to choose is before having sex, not after a pregnancy occurs. If a man is so loathe to have children, he should either abstain from sex altogether, carry and enforce multiple forms of birth control, or have a vasectomy. Once a pregnancy occurs, the decision becomes the sole domain of the woman whose body holds the baby -- to force her to either carry an unwanted child to term or to end the life of a baby she wants would be such an enormous invasion of her right to make decisions about her own body that it would far outweigh any "fairness" to the baby's father. While I sympathize with the frustrating lack of power men must feel in these situations, the only way around it is to take the appropriate precautions at the outset, not impose barbaric regulations after the fact.
I think Stephanie Zacharek hit the nail on the head more than she knew when she described comedy as "precarious." Maybe it's unrealistic of us to expect even the best comedians to churn out hit after hit, brilliant performance after brilliant performance. It may be that even Steve Martin and Albert Brooks don't exactly know what makes some things work and other things flop -- there is a delicate magic at work in comedy that I would guess remains somewhat mysterious even to comedians themselves. Let's be grateful for their moments of genius and allow for the fluctuations inherent in that very genius.
I think Cary's response and many of these letters have missed the central issue of LW's problem. It's not about whether her husband still has feelings for his ex -- many people keep mementos of past relationships, and it sounds like he is only in sporadic touch with this "other woman." And it's not about the ex as some kind of she-demon who is hell-bent on destroying this marriage at any cost -- most likely she has her own life to worry about and is not overly concerned about her married ex-boyfriend.
The key issue is that LW has expressed to her husband that she is uncomfortable with the presence of the ex in their lives, and he has chosen to disregard her feelings. Not only do his actions exhibit a profound disrespect for his wife, but his "you can't tell me what to do!" attitude is disturbingly childish. When one spouse expresses her feelings and is met with "don't fence me in, don't try to change me," it doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship. I hope that LW will choose to address these more fundamental issues of respect and compromise rather than engaging in a battle over the ex-girlfriend that will only make her seem jealous and hysterical as well as distract from the core problem.
What jumped out at me most from this letter was when LW described that she didn't want to be one of "those gals" who wonders where things are going, and that she is hesitant to give an ultimatum because it's "unattractive." I sympathize with her desire not to be "that woman" -- that demanding, shrewish woman who will drive men away with her desperate need for commitment and of course end up bitter and alone. It's easy to bend over backwards so as not to live up to this stereotype, and just as easy in the process to forget that you still have the right to express your feelings and desires, no matter how "unattractive" they are.
If LW wants a commitment, she doesn't have to hide it, though she doesn't have to offer an ultimatum either. If her boyfriend has encroached too much on her life for her comfort level given his reservations about serious relationships, it's okay for her to say so. Instead of worrying about being "that woman," LW should spend some time thinking about where her boundaries are and what she really needs from her boyfriend. Then, she can open up a thoughtful discussion with him; if he respects her feelings and is willing to talk things over, that seems to me like a step in the right direction.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
