Letters to the Editor
June Brockwell
Published Letters: 9 Editor's Choice: 1
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Ouch.
[Read the article: Should I confront my father about his affair?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think Cary is spot on. LW- what would you like to know? What outcome would you like? Because perhaps there is a way to split the difference. Maybe you'd like to know that your mother is financially okay. Is it possible to ask her about her retirement plans? Maybe it's knowing how your mom is doing. Can you ask her that?
Also, I don't think it's helpful to get into fantasy (perhaps the mother is also cheating? Maybe she's 'getting over' on her husband some other way. Yes! There is karma! It's a bitch, and so is she!) Perhaps it isn't about changing your father's behavior, but telling him about your feelings, your fears and concerns - regardless of what he's going to do.
Perhaps after steps like these - not focused on changing behavior but on gathering data and sharing feelings, it will become clearer - how or even if - you think you need to tell your mother anything.
Finally, I don't think that the 'is snooping worse that cheating, or not?' argument is helpful either. In situations like these there is always a burden to be lived with; how it turns out is a variable of how the daughter is, the father, the mother, heck, the weather that day. In short - we can't say how it will turn out. But gather a little more detail, and give yourself time to get to the answer that is right for you.
Good luck.
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"We have met the enemy and they is us."
[Read the article: A new low in Clinton bashing]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]...Adzirk's comments are just so spot on, I thought I'd repeat it:
To quote the great philosopher, Pogo
"We have met the enemy and they is us." I am tired of all the backbiting on both sides by Clinton and Obama supporters. I thought a long time about how I would vote in our primary and ultimately decided to support Obama. By doing that I did not intend to "diss" Hillary or any other candidate. We do not always get what we want. This whole thing about Robert Kennedy is an example of the trivial driving the debate. We are straining at gnats and passing elephants. I am not completely happy with either candidate, but I would rather have either one than four years of Bush-lite.
Look at McCain's whole program. Our healthcare system is OK. Lets make the tax cuts for the wealthy "permanent." Let's continue to bleed our military personnel and our national treasure in Iraq. Let's make sure that McCain will be elected because we didn't THINK!
-- azdirk
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Love him enough to let him be who he is, rather than imposing what you want on him
[Read the article: Will my boyfriend ever want kids and marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]We respect people we love is by respecting what they are telling us, even though it may not be what we want to hear. By respecting where they are in their lives without intimating that things would be better if they just changed. By respecting how they feel by accepting that how they feel may be limiting,and based in fear,but that it is their feeling, and they are not required to change that either.
Beyond all of the sound and fury, there is the simple fact that this man has told you he does not want a wife or kids. Why would you try to encourage him into assuming those responsibilities if he's pretty consistently said he doesn't want them? Because he's young? He's confused? At times wavers? Because you think he's great and that he's the type of man you see yourself marrying?
Love him enough to let him be who he is, rather than imposing what you want on him. I think dating is so you can find out what you want and if you're compatible. What he wants is to be with a woman without that level of commitment, and frankly, there are women out there just fine with that. It just seems that you're just not one of those women.
And it doesn't sound like he's actually asking you to be that type of woman - one who doesn't want to get married. In fact it doesn't sound like he's telling you anything about what you need to do or be. He's just telling you that he's that type of man.
I don't know if you're the one-man woman type, but if you don't want to leave him, perhaps you could date him but still keep dating others?
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Straw men and women and other cheap props.
[Read the article: My failed lesbian romance]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think kliztexas nailed it - the lesbian issue is sort of a straw man. This is about a person making poor choices. So why is the lesbian issue if prominently featured....Sigh, it's just so 1990s.
I suppose in the 60s this would have been a..."I dated a black man, then he kissed me and I wasn't attracted! How could that be? I'm open minded! But hey, I realized Iike blonds. And then I discovered he had all of these horrid qualities that no stable individual would be involved in, and I realized I had to let him go. Guess I'm done dabbling with black people" sort of a story.
Perhaps the writer does realize that there are many things that make a person attractive-sense of humor, feelings of security, lure of danger, desire to right wrongs from past relationship, sexual compatibility, etc. And when we think we're making better choices, we find ourselves sucked right back into our own foibles. But by highlighting the gender/sexuality aspect-the titillating *ooh lesbianism!* angle, it just feels....well, tired. And the some of my best friends are happy lesbians cliche? Eeeeek.
In the end I suppose what left a bad taste in my mouth is that while Ms. Bauer claims the situation was "complicated", Gisele never seems anything more than a simple, one dimensional caricature, a cheap prop to forward the her, the protagonist- development.