Bio: Female scientist in environmental science/engineering field. Only female "tech-monkey" in office, often the only female in a room/meeting/email channel. I've never felt discriminated against and my male coworkers have no problem asking me for tech help, including me on projects or lunch-trips. I have a senior-level female mentor and the company I work for is very progressive. My mentor has been essential to my dedication and my love for my job. I've been in the field about 5 years, so I'm really curious about the next 5-10 now. Really good response letters, thanks for pointing this report out. What follows are some suggestions in different problem areas I have dealt with or am unsure of.

Training: Sometimes I have felt that I was omitted from a training session or seminar due to gender. This depends on who's offering the training. Yet, I don't like to consider it discrimination even when I do feel I've been passed over in favor of males, because I find it best to simply go to the trainer and express interest in joining. I have never been made to feel unwelcome after this. It may be simply that they thought I was too busy or uninterested for reasons other than gender. Even if it's due to gender bias, the willingness to say, when asked, "Oh yes, come on in" signifies that it's a "passive" gender bias. This is found in older males, and is done without conscious intent (in my experiences). It's just an artifact of how they were raised or formative educational/career experiences in "dark ages" of gender equality. These men inevitably are delighted to have a female on board; they can appreciate it more than the younger generation for the same reason they have "passive" bias in the first place - they don't take it for granted that a woman might be interested in and excel at applied science/math. The flip side is some of these men, rather than forget to include women in training, go out of their way to offer technical training to women: it has great personal significance to them because of the discrimination they’ve witnessed in the past (or present).

I would advise the trainer to include females from the same or similar department as any males being invited, and to err on the side of being too inclusive when in doubt. Alternately, a female employee who wants more technical/scientific training should politely ask to join any training sessions she would like to be included in (for example, all the men in your field are in it). Don't go in with the attitude that you've been wronged - even if you have been. It's important to have goodwill; you are the paradigm. (Plus being nice makes it easier to get in.) You can also individually ask a coworker/superior for individual training. Find someone who has the skill you want, tell them you want to learn it, suggest that you could help relieve their workload in the future if you know the skill too. Ask if they would call you the next time they have to use the skill (for something billable) so they can just talk you through it as they go.

Demanding Hours: If a company expects an employee to be always accessible, available to work nights and/or weekends on demand, then the company should not be very strict with that employee’s time schedule (assuming normal 8-5 office hours, for example). As long as everyone gets their work done, people are available when they’re needed, and clients are kept happy, it doesn’t make any sense to require everyone to work from 8-5.

Family Time?

My job is very important to me, so I have always avoided potential mates that have too much career ambition or attachment. It just won't work if we want a family; if one of us were transferred, we just wouldn’t live together anymore or else one of us might end up miserable. Or if both of us worked crazy hours, how would our children have the stability they need? I need a mate who would not feel emasculated by taking care of his own children, who sees a marriage as a team and not a museum of gender roles, because someone will have to make sure that dinner is cooked on time and the house isn’t disgusting and things like that on days when I have to work late, at least.

BUT I haven't started a family so I don't know how this will actually play out. Some of the letter writers indicated getting fatigued several years after having kids, and I'd like to read more about how their partners may have helped/not helped and what effects that had. I believe that if you can gain a good company position you can start to morph your work, hire someone, delegate, pass a client on to someone looking for a promotion, etc. and establish a slower pace for yourself at will. If you’re the only woman in your company and people aren’t sure what your role is supposed to be, instead of trying to have the same role as all the men before you, you could, if practical, use that as an opportunity; you can have a degree of mutability that the well-established roles do not have, and can mold the position you want, establish some power, and work with the others to mold the company culture into something everyone will be happier with, something less, uh, turgid.