Lets see if I really have this sex scandal history right:

Kenneth Starr is having trouble getting enough looking at a Whitewater real estate scandal, so he decides to look in to President Clinton's sex life. He gets help from Linda Tripp, who tapes Lewinsky while mysteriously not breaking the law, and gets help from Michael Isikoff setting up to go public with enough information, and convincing Monica not to wash her blue dress. The Republicans impeach Bill Clinton.

Larry Flint finds the Republicans to be hypocrites, so he offers a $1 million reward for information about people in the House who have had the same kind of affairs and voted for the Clinton impeachment. He nets three congressmen.

This causes Newt Gingrich, the House Speaker to resign. His replacement Bob Livingstone is also in the net, he resigns too. Henry Hyde, the third Republican caught having less than "Family Values" pleads that he was having a 41-49 year old's typical bout of "youthful indiscretion", luckily he hasn't tried to be Speaker of the House, so he is still with us helping us non-Republicans to get our moral compass working.

They finally find a House Speaker who "did not have sexual relations with that woman" and can get it to stick for more than a month, so Dennis Hastert becomes Speaker of the House.

Mark Foley gets caught sending text messages to underage teenagers that are less than evangelical in quality. Dennis Hastert, who was put in his position because he was squeaky clean, turns out to not have a problem with this, or with having Tom Reynolds run attack ads on sexual predators while knowing that Squeaky Clean is covering something up.

ABC outs Mr. Foley barely a week after Kenneth Starr complains that the Republicans are ripping the habeas corpus heart out of the Constitution.

Yup! It was all the Democrats fault. All we need now is for Larry Flynt to clean house again with another reward.

But seriously folks, at least this shows that President Bush wasn't the originator of the illegal wiretaps stuff. Michael Hayden, meet Linda Tripp.

Rush Limbaugh says, "I'm going to take the same philosophy that I'm hearing now from recalcitrant voters who are upset. I think the Republicans deserve to lose; I think the Iraqis deserve to lose; I think the terrorists deserve to win; I think the Democrats deserve to win."

Well...I'm going to take the same philosophy as Rush and be tough on terrorists and other people who break the law. I think Rush Limbaugh should go to jail like other drug addicts and pushers (not to mention PRE-VERTS who go on sex holidays), and I'm going to take the Republican philosophy that he doesn't deserve the rights that I have. He's being gingerly pampered, for chrissakes!

So lock Rush up, without charge, hold him forever, make him incommunicado with the outside world, spy on his lawyer, piss on his bible, and waterboard the overweight old piss-ant until he tells us that he once gave Osama bin Laden a ride in his limo and ate at a smorgasbord with Khalid Sheikh Muhammed (CIA statistics say he'll do this in an average of about 40 seconds). He thinks others deserve it, and he's always ready to cast the first stone.

Happy Habeas Corpus, Rush!

Get on Google, and look for NEP or Edison/Mitofsky. That's the name of the exit polling company the news media is going to use for the elections. If you want to keep cheating from going on, we need the exit poll data. Go to the subscriber's list and find the subscriber nearest you. Send them an email that you want them to do their part, as owners of the data, to keep the election clean. If enough people tell them, maybe they will listen this time.

The Bush camp really needs a horse to flog, Kerry would have provided it no matter what he said.

To me, his statement was clear as a bell. Need an example of what happens when you aren't smart and don't study? Look at President Bush. Didn't study, isn't smart, is bogged down in Iraq.

Maybe it's cause I'm from New England, maybe it's cause I've heard Kerry speak over and over for years. Maybe it's because I can follow an English sentence.

Or maybe it's because I don't believe what the Bush people stuff in other peoples' mouths until *after* I go see what they really said, unlike those in the press who were first prompted and then handed spin, and then parroted it back like robots. You need someone to blame for what's happening to Kerry in the media? Well here you go:

If you don't study hard and aren't smart, you end up in journalism, pretending you know something night after night on TV, with an intellectual depth that is thinner than your makeup.

Dick Cheney also got into the act saying Kerry was against the joke before he was for it. We all know where he stands on the military, though. "Dunkin' Dick" had better things to do.

So tell us Mr. Haggard, what does it feel like, having the part of your sex life you were unable to admit to your wife plastered all over the media. How does it feel to find out somebody was taping you? Did you know that meth is illegal? Does Kenneth Starr know about you, yet? You understand, it isn't the sex, its the lies.

Art, I hear Mike Jones has a blue dress he hasn't washed.