Letters to the Editor

• Something to consider

  [Read the article: Mommy, is Grandpa going to prison as a sex offender?]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  As someone who has represented many people accused of sex offenses I would like to offer the writer the following.

  First the law is arbitrary and harsh. You don't say the age of your grandfather, but I will guess it is greater than forty. You do say the person who "zeroed in on him" is a teen. You have said two crucial things in that statement.

  First, assuming your grandfather did have sexual relations with a post pubescent teenager it is unlikely he holds any sexual feelings toward a five year old. A sexual forensic exam could determine this and if I was his attorney I would order such an exam just in case he pled or was found guilty.

  The department of corrections in most states divides sex offenders into three categories. They apply certain standardized tests to determine this but mostly rely on whatever charge they plead to.

  The common understanding in the expert community is a person who has sex with a teenager, without more, does not have any sexual interest in prepubescent children. They are attracted to the sexual attributes of someone sexualized where a person who molests young children is attracted to non sexual attributes (i.e. 5 year olds have no breasts or well developed penises or vagina and this is a specific form of attraction).

  Assuming your grandfather has never been charged as a sex offender this may be an isolated incident and work in his favor. However, the extent to which it does depends on two things.

  First, if he is not guilty and falsely accused he will have to fight this through trial. If he is, and you say it hasn't reached resolution and therefore must not talk of this case at all, then his willingness to accept responsibility is paramount. The state and the judge will be looking for some evidence of admission of guilt and responsibility and a desire to change so it never happens again. Without that, he will surely spend a significant time in prison. People are scared of predators they are not fearful of mendicants.

  Your description of this incident belies a belief that the teenager is the real culprit. He/she is sexually actualized and "zeroed in" on your grandfather. In your mind, he is the real victim. In the state and judge's mind nothing could be further from the truth and any admission otherwise is an act of denial and defiance and will only hurt your grandfather.

  Assuming everything you say is true, ask yourself this: If some 14 year old boy showed up at your home, ripped off his clothes to reveal an alluringly sculpted body and large erect penis would you really feel so helpless to succumb to his blandishments? If you believe so, do you really believe your grandfather is weaker than you? And if so how do you square what he may have done? That type of sexism (men can't say no to anyone) just doesn't fly with our court system and shouldn't.

  We guys can be weak on this, but not that weak.

  If the accusations are true he made a big mistake and must atone for it. To do so he, and his family, including you must acknowledge that fact and concentrate on his willingness and ability to learn from his mistake. As for your child, she need not know what he is going to prison for until much later. Right now she will not understand. And when she is old enough to understand hopefully he will have redeemed himself and she will be safe.

  Be aware that if he is on probation or supervision he may be barred from being around her. You need to understand that your willingness to allow contact must be tempered by his willingness to abide by all his conditions. Maybe this was a moment of weakness, but for your daughter's sake you do want to know he has learned not to "make terrible mistakes" with legally underage children.

  Permalink Wednesday, March 28, 2007 04:34 PM