The reason we eat turkey on Thanksgiving is to help us sleep through two very very bad football games. I think King Kaufman would back me up on this one.

But that's night why I wrote and yes, I'm a sock puppet. I've posted before but will leave out my name for my still futile hope of getting a writing gig with this site. I'm mostly political but this article, and its letters has me completely hooked.

What is it about Vegans? Did you notice that with few exceptions, your the only people who begin each letter by proudly pointing out how you don't eat meat? Criminy! You think this is some sort of badge of honor. Congratulations, you eat tofu. Look. We are omnivores. It's how we evolved. It galls me that the same people who cry at a Broadway production of The Lion King and can sing Circle of Life word for word, get all huffy when some human goes all carnivore on their butt. We meat eaters view holier than though Vegans with the same sense of respect as we would view someone who swore off rutabas. You don't want to eat rutabas, fine. Don't blame you. You want to spout off about how horrible people are for eating rutabagas, good luck with that, but try taking your meds before you pontificate.

And as for you meat eaters, quit opening your letters with this meally mouthed apology for eating meat. It's the circle of life dammit! You want to ban hunting of dear or bear? Great, better start introducing wolves back into the suburbs. Hey, a few babies and Shitzus hauled off into the nearby woods is a small price to pay for the pain and guilt we would obviously suffer from shooting a stupid garden eating good tasting deer.

The beauty of this article - and it is a beautiful and delicious article - is that she explains what any family farmer learned when they first raised and slaughtered their livestock: it's personal. There is a sense of sadness and loss, but of love and understanding. Most of all, most of all the love and understanding that comes from knowing that killing for food is not a bad thing and far better than being the crazy holier than though Vegan or guilt starved omnivore with tens of "pets" being pulled out of the living room by the local animal control officer because they have reproduced to the point of starvation.

BTW for those of you who do eat meat but still gave Novella grief, understand that while you are chomping down on your hormone and brine injected excuse for a frozen birdthing, Ms Carpenter had one of the best meals of her life. Me, I'm going up the road tomorrow to pick out a live turkey watch it get the axe and get plucked and bring it back in time to soak it in brine for a night and then cook one delicious free range turkey.

Oh, here's a hint. Neigbor approaches farmer John and says "Whats with the three legged pig?"

"Well, a fire started in the barn last month while we were sleeping, and that pig personally drove our cow Bessie and the chickens to safety. Then while the Ma'am and I were in town Timmy fell down the well and that pig went running to the neighbors to get help."

"Whoa, that is some pig."

"You betcha, but thats not the half of it. Just last week the pig was standing guard over our sheep in that there meadow when a pack of wolves approached. He singlehandledly ran at them and drove them back into the woods."

"Boy, that is some pig. But why the three legs?"

"Well, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

I meant rutabagas. I also meant to click on the anonymous icon. So much for the writing gig.

Thanks GeeBee.

Your complaint that the writer had so much more to complain against women than men may be misplaced. Consider the following.

Woman's wardrobe:

High cut dress, low cut dress, backless dress, slinky dress, cocktail dress, slinky cocktail dress, slacks, blouse, low cut blouse, see through blouse, skirt, midi, mini, micro mini, shorts, short shorts. I'm going home and having sex but not with you outfit.

Men's wardrobe:

shirt, pants.

Woman's shoes:

Closed toed, open toed, high heels, high heel spiked with fishnet hose,

Man's shoes:

Tennis shoes, dress shoes.

Woman's hygiene:

mask, clarifying lotion, foundation, pancake, rouge, eyeliner, deep rouge never smear lipstick, mascara, FU I'm not going home with you mascara, fingernail polish, toe nail polish, private place polish.

Man's hygiene:

Bar of soap.

If we show up unshaven and in a teeshirt its considered a late night. If a woman shows up in a low cut blouse miniskirt and overly painted face and the patient recovers its considered a date.