I did! Boy he really stands for change! Change is all over his website! It is easily parsed between spiritually uplifting YouTube videos and crowing about his success in such bellweather districts like Washington D.C. If you lose D.C. you lose the race. Right George McGovern?

But, I'm not some "boy he's almost as good as electing a bottle of Prozac" rah rah guy. No! I want to know the issues! Dadgummit! (yes I'm old. Dadgummit was a big cuss word in our time.) So I looked for the issues. And I looked and I looked and I looked. Took some time. Apple lets you get to support quicker and they have more reason not to (my MacBook is in the shop for the fifth time and I'm writing on a PC. From 2002).

But I found it. A whole downloadable book on where Obama stands on the issues. You, the issues, Jack. Now just tell me the codes and we can fight them both together Jack. You and me and I'm feeding you jack. So what do you say old boy?

Woops Dr. Strangelove moment there. Where was I.

Oh yeah wondering off as I was trying to find his place on this issues. And I found them.

On Civil Rights. His first issue. You know in a world where our boys are dying in Iraq, our senior citizens are eating dog food to survive, thousands or kicked out of their foreclosed homes and millions are wondering how they will survive without healthcare, you would think his first issue would be something other than making sure African Americans get to vote. Not a bad issue, just not a highlighter for someone who sooo hates to play the race card. Eh?

Immigration. Boy is he for sealing our borders. And once sealed he wants to allow the illegals to continue to work at some substandard level of legal citizenship and get in the back of the line. Of course if they are injured or fired by their employer their is no promise someone will step in and hold their position in line for them. In fact his immigration policy is just like Bush's but without the compassionate part of the conservatism.

Healthcare. Couldn't find it.

Iraq. Hey! Did you know that Obama was against the war in Iraq? I know. Surprised me too. Yeah, he really stood up against that warmongering Bush. I can still smell the sweat dripping down his face as he rallied the nation to fight against this wrongheaded decision. Oh? You missed it? How could you have missed it? Here is a man who attracts throngs of believers everywhere he goes delivering a message of hope and change and promise and all that. You mean he didn't call a single meeting? Not even one of those viral e-mail like gettogethers? What's that? He wasn't a senator or even a congressman than? Yeah, I had the same feeling when I told my friends I would have bravely served in Vietnam, but for the fact I was 12 when it ended. Had I been 18 a month after Tet, who knows how appealing Canada may have looked. Below the belt? How is "Obama has voted to support every bill financing our continued occupation of Iraq" sound to you?

Taxes: Obama promises if elected he will give the majority of Americans who vote a big bag of money if they vote for him. Sounds like bribery? You bet! But it's legal. Just ask Dubya. He promises to take ten million americans of the tax rolls. And ten million votes goes a long way toward being president. He does have this groovy plan to simplify taxes making filing a five minute effort. Guess he's not courting the H and R Block vote. Though oddly he doesn't spend the ten minutes reading his plan laying out the five minute tax return form. But I've seen the short simplified form before. Here it is: "How much do you make? Send it in."

Energy. Hillary promises to spend 50 million on renewable energy and charge the oil industry's billions of profits to do it. Obama is better though. He promises 150 billion in a new energy program and promises to get, well uh, someone (those ten million with their tax relief?) to pay for it. Of course he will do this while eliminating federal deficits. See his position on budget.

Education: Boy we really need to educate people, and as president Obama will support all sorts of government initiatives to educate people. Let no child be left behind! Of course unless it conflicts with his budget plans.

Budget. Obama promises to balance the budget and end wasteful spending. How he does this while paying off ten million voters with tax cuts, educating every child with federal spending and spending a whopping 150 billion on energy he does not explain.

The middle east. Now if his only platform was "My name is Barak Hussein Obama, what do you think?" He'd have had me. But no. It is the same ol same ol. To paraphrase "I support Israel's right to exist. They are our great ally in the Middle East and their security is job number one." As in, while I'm all for a two state solution, so long as one rock is tossed at an Israeli soldier or one cheap homeade overblown bottle rocket called a Qassam lands in an empty Israeli olive grove, the Palestinians can kiss my butt.

Military. Boy! Look at what Iraq has done to our military. Did I mention Hillary Clinton supported invading Iraq and I, as a state rep didn't? What a mess. We obviously need to spend more on our military to confront all our new wars I don't support.

Meet the new boss.