Letters to the Editor
David L.
Published Letters: 197 Editor's Choice: 9
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Subconscious slips...
[Read the article: My husband read my journal]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I can understand that some folks question whether or not anyone that writes a diary/journal without the proper security measures is just begging for someone else to read it, subconsciously...but it sounds like the LW really didn't want her husband to read that stuff...as I always say, don't commit to paper what you don't want read someday. Granted, it's electronic, but you get my drift...and the LW should have been a little more aware of this before she handed over her personal laptop. Even a brief mention about the Terms of Use for the laptop might have prevented this..."Here, you can borrow this, but don't go running all over the harddrive because I use that for work and stuff."
Likewise, I'm VERY curious to know just how invisible this personal diary is...if it was well hidden on the laptop, and it was marked as "personal" (or "KEEP OUT"), then your snooping husband has some trust issues he needs to work out, because he should have known better. It's like reading a spoiler on www.darkhorizons.com or imdb.com...the minute you start reading about the synopsis of a movie you haven't seen yet should be a clue to close that screen and move on to something else...I did that in regards to Star Wars: Phantom Menance, and unfortunately, it took away what little surprise there was left in the final half hour. I still regret that...
And LW, you don't have to apologize for who you once were, or what you used to think, prior to marriage. It doesn't matter what the content was in your diary, the act of your husband reading it was a serious line to cross, in my opinion. Frankly, whatever trust issues he has now were brought on by himself, and he has no one else to blame!
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Confusing LW here...
[Read the article: Should I stay in my marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I generally enjoy Cary's columns, but the one thing I cannot stand is when the LW writes in hyperbole, or makes a lot of "what-if" questions...I know Cary gravitates to this kind of language from LWs that submit to his form, since he is a writer at heart....but jeez, can someone speak in plain English when they are trying to describe a problem? This is not a writer's symposium...and if it is, Cary should be the only one doing it, because it is his column afterall...
I don't know how bad off the LW is...hell, I can't even tell what gender they are (I'm guessing female, but not 100% on that). Not that it matters much either way, except about that bit mentioning anti-depression drugs being taken by the male partner of the relationship before the wedding...because if that person is indeed the LW, then the answer is blindingly clear...get back on your meds!
Anyways, Cary's advice is good to a point...oddly enough, I've had a few friends say they would have been better off if their parents had been divorced SOONER, rather than later or not at all. I think Cary's suggestion in regards to the LW to try to make it work may be more valid in this scenario than with the other horror stories I've seen so far in this forum...but again, we really don't know the full story here.
And as I've seen in many a divorce/separation, there are 2 sides to this story, and we are only hearing one of them. For all we know, the LW may be a self-absorbed, artist-type person that feels shackled down by her (or his) marital obligations...I see no mention of their love of their children, willingness to make sacrifices for them, etc. It's all about "Do I really need to do this, just for the sake of the kids?"....if this scenario is the case, then you are an ass of a human being, and you should have thought a little longer about having children before bringing your artistic "career" to a (supposed) close.
I agree with some folks here that you are short-changing yourself on compromising your artistic talents for the sake of making money...that's a sham arguement, there's got to be something more substantial than that to make you ask Cary's audience whether or not your marriage is worth saving, for the kids sake...
So...I have no other advice on this one...not enough info, other than to say that you should listen to Cary and then listen to your inner self, and ask if the course you want to take is for everyone's better good, or just in YOUR best interest.