Letters to the Editor
David L.
Published Letters: 188 Editor's Choice: 9
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This is great stuff...
[Read the article: Why won't my boyfriend introduce me to his daughters?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why you little Matlock-havin' tart! You're trying to play the field, then "accidently" find this guy again at the gym, help wreck his engagement, then wonder why he won't introduce you to his daughters. You want to burden him with expectations and demands, when it seems that this started out all along as a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Okay, maybe it's not like that (*ick*), but the fact is, you are trying to make more out of this than he does...which is naturally leaving you cold and wanting. To use a prototypical Gen X phrase...he's just not that into you.
If he hasn't introduced you to his GROWN daughters, it may be that he just doesn't see the need (see also under: He's Just Not That Into You). If his daughters are under 17, then this probably has something to do with him not wanting to have negative influences around them...and your track record with this guy isn't helping...sorry, that probably was a deep cut, but if the shoe fits...
I think Cary's advice (and his hilariously unwriter-like sidebar) all point to one thing for you...D T M F A
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Key quote in this whole story is..
[Read the article: My boyfriend is nice, but I fantasize about wilder times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"I paint"
Again...It's all about me...me me me, what I get out of the relationship, blah blah blah.
Having been around artistic/dreamer types, and me typically being the one grounded in reality, I can speak for your significant other fairly well. And my answer to you is: get a damn hobby or something, find a painting class, pursue you life's work...but whatever you do or don't do, please stop projecting your own inadequencies on this poor guy that's got your back in more ways than any other artistic/dreamer type will ever have.
See, this is why folks like Manson or Castaneda (to reference another dreamer-turned-wacko example) are able to ruin other dreamers' lives...because many dreamers don't have the wisdom to see that their gift (whatever that may be), while quite special and enabling, can sometimes create their own illusion of what reality is...so when they, say, dump somebody that was there for them all this time because they're bored or whatever with the relationship, they end up crushing that person (who frankly doesn't deserve it). And when said dreamer wises up, they end up ass-out and alone...and then wonder why they put themselves in that shitty mess of their own creation.
It's no surprise that the therapy you've received may be deemed sub-par in this scenario, because you may have already made up your mind about what you really want to do, consciously or not. But if even one of them mentioned the fact that you need to "channel your energy" into something else, and you ignored that bit of advice, then that only confirms that you are fishing for an excuse of some kind to end it.
Lady, you need to get wise...you're already laying the groundwork to dump this guy, so sit down (away from the paint fumes) and think about what you truely want...in life and in your relationship. It seems that you are trying to find the right answer that fits YOUR reality, and not the one that actually exists. How about opening the dialog with yourself, then having dialog with this other poor guy...before you do something foolish and sleep with the next available "sensitive" artist that comes along.
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DTMFA
[Read the article: I'm an analytical chemist with a two-body problem]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hiding behind your wordy veil of learned-ness and know-it-all-ism, I see two highly immature and emotional undeveloped college kids that can't piss straight, much less make sound decisions for the BOTH of you in this relationship.
The biggest problems in most relationships stem from a lack of communication...and you both seem to have it in spades on this topic, because she might not have been so quick to take this postdoc position if you had indicated that you had other plans AND BTW, I really do love you and want to make this thing work. But if she's made it very clear that this freight trained called her career isn't going to stop, then you need to start thinking more about yourself and plan the next step.
Also, don't bother with long-distance relationships. They seldom work, unless the 2 people specifically have plans to go their separate ways, keep in touch, see each other every once in a while, and plan to get back together and some identifiable point in the near future...none of which seems to be the case for you two here.
As for 1st loves...I've known only one couple that were high-school sweethearts that actually ended up marrying each other (still are to this day)...your relationship doesn't really qualify as such, and since you are her 1st. real boyfriend, the idea that this girl will be able to resist the temptation to meet someone else out on the West Coast (just to see what the 2nd. or 3rd. relationship is like) is patently absurd. Not to say that you are any less likely to do the same in Toronto, but given the lack of emotional maturity in you two, just the thought for either of you that the other person far away may be cheating will just eat you both alive...if you both care about each other that much.
See, I don't think even the LW is that into her...there's a lot of unanswered questions here that I can't seem to figure out from the verbose prose of the LW. So, to make life easier for both of you, I say unto thee: DTMFA.