Letters to the Editor
Alonso Quijano
Published Letters: 9
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Don't Go.
[Read the article: I don't want to go to my college friend's wedding]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're only offering one reason for spending money you don't have and putting your husband through an experience you yourself say he's dreading: because you're afraid of what people might say about you if you don't attend the wedding. That is not a good enough reason.
You should go to the wedding if you really want to share the bride's joy on her "big day." However, making the trip and spending the money only so that other people will think that's why you're there is a waste of time, money, and emotional energy. And not only is doing it for that reason dishonest and deceptive at its core, it's also not fair to your husband, whose happiness ought to mean more to you than your former friends' comments; why should he have to spend the weekend in an introvert's hell watching you feign warm, fuzzy feelings for people whose phone calls you avoid?!
Send a nice gift and the most sincere best wishes you can muster -- if that's not good enough for people, then let 'em say catty things.
(I hope you'll let us know what you decide to do, too!)
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It's not THAT big a lie - but he's still at her mercy
[Read the article: I told my girlfriend a harmless lie ... and now she's sure to find out ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's not THAT big a lie - the LW lied to make his family seem more interesting (that is to say, not white-bread American), but he didn't lie about himself: this isn't a case of claiming he's a brain surgeon or an astronaut or the inventor of the Internet, or even the grandson/son/nephew/cousin of someone famous. He also didn't conceal a wife, an ex-wife, children, criminal convictions, sexually transmitted diseases, etc., nor did he do something manipulative and morally revolting like present himself as a veteran or a 9/11 survivor. He only tried to make his background sound marginally more cosmopolitan, and to my mind, on the grand scale of frauds and falsehoods, this one's not going to come close to putting him in the Liars' Hall of Fame with Frank Abagnale and Clifford Irving.
That said, however, telling her the truth is still going to be embarrassing as well as a throw of the dice: he has to admit he lied to her when they were relative strangers and she might decide not to go on seeing a guy who would do that. On the other hand, she might buy the "I'm a putz" defense if he makes a good case. I'd actually like to know how this one plays out ...
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You're a Thief
[Read the article: My marriage was a mistake]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're a thief: you're stealing months and years of your husband's life that he could be spending with someone who wasn't wishing him gone. And that's one of the worst kinds of theft, too: the theft of time, which - unlike money or property - is something you can't give back to him later. Every day you spend with him, feeling the way you do but not telling him the whole truth about those feelings, is stealing. Stop it.