I hope you're talking about the feelings you've been having lately to an interested listener, as well as writing them out to strangers. Not all the strangers on Salon are so nice, and I think you need some kindness right now.

Well, I wasn't necessarily talking about family and friends. They do have an annoying tendency to worry about the ones they love so that said loved ones don't always want to worry them. You can pay people to listen. And I disagree with the many who think that that fact produces a less authentic connection. In any case, it is pretty normal to feel the way you feel right after a break-up. It is even pretty normal to want to be dead. But I don't know whether there's any intent behind your words. And there's also nothing I, nor any well-meaning stranger on the Internet, can do about it. Be cautious about indulging in feelings like these...they can take on a life of their own.

It's one thing to refuse to "let go" a wrong done to YOU. It's another thing to go on an unasked for crusade. The LW's neighbor has resisted offers of help from her; it's unlikely that this neighbor will be grateful for the LW pouring bleach on her plants. (By the way, people may be making too much of the fact that the plants are oleander...sometimes LWs change certain details to maintain anonymity. If not, oleander is poisonous, we get it, let's move on.)

I wonder if the LW feels guilty about her role in the neighborhood's changing demographic and wants to differentiate herself from the nosy, dissaproving neighbor who plants flowers on other people's lawns! Getting involved in someone else's yard is getting involved in someone else's yard. If the neighbor asks for help, help her. But there is nothing for YOU to let go of.

Let's get more people involved and talking about the poor, elderly, "not white" neighbor who has so far, said "no thank you" to the LW's offers. Lordy.

About the taken-down letter, I don't think Cary would remove a letter due to his own regret at how he answered it. Doesn't he seem much more the type to include an intro in the next column examining in great detail what he may have been feeling that day, etc.? His letter was kind of awesome, too. I don't buy that the LW thought the letter she wrote to Cary was not meant for publication, though. Like he's a private counselor on the side? Come on. Probably she freaked out afterward and that was her story. Or maybe it's something totally different. But let's resist the artifice and talk about shallow women and short men all over again!

I was struck by this: "But what I don't do ... I don't tell him that I know. I know everything, because Wife told me the day before. If he knows, or finds out, about my lie of omission, it will be a friendship-ending betrayal."

If so, that seems really unfair on the part of your friend. Why does he confide in you? Because he feels you are trustworthy. By keeping your mouth shut, you are proving you are. A trustworthy person is a trustworthy person. Not, oh, I'll be loyal to you, but I'll betray this other person.

Second reason this would be unfair (and that you've done the right thing so far): you've taken the path of least resistance, which is to hear without getting involved. You didn't ask for this role, and you have every right to start saying, "Look, don't tell me any more secrets, okay, it's driving me crazy." But you haven't done anything wrong by only listening.

These books. They always had an obvious moral lesson, like, the first time you ride a motorcycle, you get into an accident and go into a coma and wake up with an entirely new personality. Or, the first time you do cocaine, you get a heart attack and die. And sometimes a fat girl would go on a diet and become really pretty.

I call lame on the car "update," though. Like today's readers are going to wonder "What is this 'fiat' they speak of? I have only heard of 'cool' cars like 'Jeep Wrangler.'"

The sizing change? A must. The twins are supposed to be thinner than you. That's how you know the lives they're living are unattainable (and, um...thank god). When I hit size 6 a couple of years ago, it was a hollow victory, because I knew I wasn't *actually* in Wakefield territory. That's vanity sizing for you. When I started wearing size 4, I was just pissed off. Frankly, if these books had been written today--really written today--the twins would be size 2 or smaller. But I'm sure their "aquamarine eyes" would be the same.

Ha ha ha! Obama orchid! My mother is an orchid freak. The parallel works so well.

The only link I'm willing to acknowledge between marijuana use and "mental illness" (an overused term, to say the least) is that since marijuana is actually rather effective at blunting physical and/or emotional pain, some people who feel a lot of it might smoke it excessively. And perhaps not be as assertive about handling the life circumstances that are causing or at least extending that pain. But I am a strong proponent of legalization. For all the usual reasons.

When I've read it myself. Along with "good" stuff, I read so much crap. Some of it is for fun, some for nostalgia, some for plane trips. Some turn out to be pleasant surprises, like Bridget Jones' Diary. I wouldn't judge someone on their reading tastes. Well no, I'd judge, but I wouldn't not date someone based on taste unless it affected our compatibility. Like if he was reading Ann Coulter or Bill O'Reilly, then putting the books down thinking, "Hm, s/he/it has a point!" Nope!