Letters to the Editor
writerbug
Published Letters: 21 Editor's Choice: 1
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What decade are we living in?
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I can't believe people don't think that a man could be the primary caretaker. Of course the LW will still need to do some parenting. And of course her life and body will change. Cary didn't advise her to ignore the baby or pretend its not there.
But why couldn't the man, who wants the baby more, be more involved in its care than the woman? Just because the husbands of some of the commenters can't bother to figure out how to diaper a baby without asking their wives doesn't mean that's a universal male trait.
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Don't worry about your major, do some internships
[Read the article: I don't want to be a doctor!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, I feel for you. I was in a similar position about 10 years ago, when I was a sophomore in college. My parents were not the problem; they didn't really care what I majored in. But even without their pressure, I felt so much pressure of my own to figure out exactly what I wanted to be that I, too, was having panic attacks.
I switched majors about once a week, moving from things like journalism to marine biology back again. I ended up majoring in advertising and communications, with a concentration in journalism. My classes, though, didn't help me figure out what I wanted to do (which is write, which is what I do now). What helped were internships. I interned at many different types of places and from those jobs figured out what I did and didn't want to do. (I also met my husband at one of those internships!)
So I suggest you get a few internships or volunteer jobs, paid or not. Try one at a law firm, a hospital, a newspaper. And don't worry too much about your major. Most people don't end up doing a job similar to their major anyway.
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Nobody enjoys weddings?
[Read the article: I want a perfect wedding, but my in-laws are trashy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've got to disagree with the people who wrote in to say that no one likes/cares about weddings. I love going to them--a night out, decent (if not good) food, dancing, often free drinks, watching two people unite into a family. What's not to like?
And I actually had a similar experience--my brother decided to get married 2 months before I did, across the country from me and the rest of our family. So I had to fork out a ton of money to fly and stay in a hotel 8 weeks before my own big shindig. I was annoyed at the time, but didn't say anything because their date was already set and there was nothing that could be done. I probably should've been an adult and just expressed my feelings (not trying to pick a fight, just getting them out there), but I didn't, and it worked out fine. I had a great time at both our weddings.
So choose your battles. If you don't want kids there, tell them and be firm. But try not to get upset about every little thing. Believe me, after your wedding, very little of these kinds of details will still bother you. Focus on how lucky you are to have found a good, caring partner. Congratulations!
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Why are you married?
[Read the article: I'm cheating on my husband and loving it. Is that a problem?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There would be nothing wrong with your lifestyle IF your husband knew about it, or you weren't married. I never understand why people who don't want to be faithful/know they don't have it in them to be faithful take a vow promising they will be. Why did you get married in the first place if you knew you couldn't live up to what you were promising your husband?
So follow Cary's advice. Either tell your husband what's going on and hope he's OK with it, or stop doing what you're doing.
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I second "get a dog"!
[Read the article: Lonely single guy tired of being lonely and single seeks person ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was also lonely not so long ago (although I am happily married, so it was a loneliness that revolved around a lack of good friends). I got a dog, and--poof--that loneliness disappeared! Not only did I get a wonderful companion with whom to go on long hikes, but I also met a ton of new friends through my dog. Dogs are great conversation starters when you walk by people on the street (what's her name? how old is she? my dog seems to like your dog! let's arrange a playdate!) and if there's a dog park near you, you'll get to know people there too. Plus, as I said before, you get a wonderful companion even before you meet other dog lovers. Good luck!
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Similar, if smaller, experience
[Read the article: My laptop was stolen -- I feel like my life is gone!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When I studied abroad, I meticulously kept a journal for the first time in my life--I detailed all the things I was doing and my feelings, as well as did creative writing in it. That semester was one of the most eye-opening of my life, and I was really excited about having the record of it.
And then I left the journal on a train. I was really sad about it for weeks, beating myself up about being so careless. I kept calling and visiting the Tube lost and found in hopes it would show up. It never did, and it still makes me sad to think about what I lost. But as with all emotional wounds, with time, it's gotten smaller.
Good luck dealing with your loss.
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Perfect letter, proudfemm
[Read the article: After my husband died of cancer I found he'd been cheating]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Proudfemm said everything I wanted to, and she did so quite eloquently! So I'm just posting to second everything she said, especially the idea that cheating is much more than being imperfect. We are all imperfect, not all of us deceive the people we have vowed to honor and respect.
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Newspaper jobs
[Read the article: Am I going crazy?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I worked at a newspaper, in a job like the one the LW described, and it was all consuming. So while Cary's advice is good, it might be better applied to a person with another type of job. I can't imagine juggling a demading job like the one I had at the newspaper with a severe mental illness. So LW, kudos to you! But a less demanding job might be in order. I know that's what it took me to be able to find a balance between a job/my family/ and my creative writing.