@Asehpe

I have a question, Anony: what is it that really stings here: the segmentation in parts that are good and parts that are bad, or the mere mention of there being bad parts?

This from an earlier post - hard to keep up!

Okay - I'll try to explain it the way I think it. The sting comes from both the segmentation and the negative evaluation. It is the combination.

I have told lovers, I like your eyes, I like your lips, you have a cute butt, I like playing with you in bed . . . . I never felt the need to "balance" it with "your hair is thinning but", "you got a little gut going on there but", so why do men (I am generalizing but this type of thing has happened enough to me and female friends that I have to recognise a "feature"), feel the need to balance the compliment with a criticism?

With everyone, there are beautiful things about them physically, and the less attractive. While aware of the less appealing, when I am with a dear friend, or a lover, what I see is the draw. Sometimes it the uniqueness of someones features that seems so beautiful, so original. Maybe that is why when someone is a wonderful person - I see them as more beautiful than the "pretty" human with the nasty personality?

So when getting the grade of X is good, Y is not good, I wonder if the man is merely seeing me as parts - not the overall person. That he is not as entranced with me as I am with him, that he is coolly grading me. It never occured to me to inform a lover of his physical deficiencies. In part because I would not want him to feel bad or self-conscious, but primarily because they just never were high in my line of sight - all I saw was what appealed to me.

And I wonder what they think I should do with this information, that I have parts not up to snuff - get plastic surgery? Why should I have to do that? And what is the standard I should be conforming to? What good does it do me to know my lover thinks my "tits are too small"? How should I process this piece of information?

When some lover says "your tits are too small" what is the standard to which I am being held? Too small for what? Compared to what? Playboy? Well, its true they don't have women with b cups in there - but really, is c/d the standard I need to comply with? My body parts all seem to get along with each other - I am blessed with good genes that give me balance. I would look silly with big tits. Riding horses would be . . . painful :) I have a lithe form - should that not be seen for what it is and appreciated?

Even if it would do me no good to purchase implants, is the man saying I would be more sexually appealing if my "tits" looked like the ones in the magasines? Is that what is being said.

So when a lover says your X is not enough of something - what stings is the question - what am I being compared to? Is there a standard? Why do you feel I need to hear your judgement on something that is just part of the body I was born with? Why are you evaluating me so coldly.

I use "tits" as the example because this was the most obvious one that women are critiqued with, that and wieght. Also because I have a number of family and aquaintainces who got implants to "conform". But I've also been critiqued for, well, having a mole, being too fat or too thin or too toned, teeth, ears, thigh, belly button (too inny or too flat), hair, I mean, looked at from a distance, it seems rediculous. Especially since none of the men were exactly, Hollywood material!

I just find it weird that men do this to women they are in relationships with. It is not information that helps with . . . anything. What is the purpose?