When will women get over this crap? There is so much on this planet that is out there for us to explore.

It is crap!

But all the angst about this is because women realise that our society depicts older women who want a loving romantic sexual relationship as somehow ridiculous figures. We notice that men in our age group seem to regress to the same women they were after when they were in their 20-30's. Many of us have divorced parents and watched our mothers remain solo and our fathers remarry women only slightly older than ourselves. The message comes in from many sources.

We can NOT be unaware of this as it is rubbed in our noses every freaking day.

The choices as I found for myself is to continue to be my independent and somewhat solitary person. No rejection when you are single and not looking. I have a good social network of married and unmarried and differing ages of friends/family. So I am not isolated. Life is good. I enjoy it.

But still . . . why is it "rediculous and sad" that a woman of 50 should want to explore and share life and love with someone like her in experience upon this earth? When women make that choice to find her companion and love, it is with the risk that should you love openly and freely, you might have physical rejection and emotional dispair in your future - if you made a mistake in evaluating your mate - or if he gets scared of growing older himself and finds he needs the reassurance of a 30 year old who likes it when men buy her things.

So that is why women don't get over this crap.

Personally? I am taking the gamble. I have in the past and can in the future have a rich and interesting life solo, but I will take the chance and try this loving deeply and freely and see if I have made a mistake in judgement of my mate. I will die eventually, why deny myself this merely becasue society has deemed me "unsuitable" as an object of love and desire?

I would say that trust has been destroyed both ways. It doesn't matter that the LW's wife did it first, if he cheated on his wife then they both are guilty of this offence.

So . . . . what does the LW want? If the relationship can not be saved, then I would advise him to be VERY careful with the children. If a parent leaves the home in cases like this, the chances of gaining custody of the children in the case of divorce is much worse than if he stays in the house WITH the children.

You need to stay WITH your children and be even more of a caretaker now.

If you want to stay with your wife, and she with you, then this is always going to be with you. Can you live with it? Can trust ever be regained? If not, you are going to live with distrust and life is too short and too precious to waste in relationships where you are always watchful.

Personally? I'd end the relationship but stay in the house with the children. Your wife is a cheater. She loves the drama. It made being with you extra special becasue of all the heightened emotions related to the affair and where it was broken off or not.

There are people out their, men and women, who are more worthy of trust.

Just be very careful on how you handle your life with your children if you want custody after the divorce

I actually agree with Brightstar concerning the potential for the husband to lose his possessions and custody of the children (the more important thing)

The laws or at least the impression it leaves is such that the parent who leaves the home, for what ever reason, is the one less vested emotionally in the children and when it comes to custody - that plays big.

My advice to the husband is do NOT leave the home. Send the wife away to thinking about her affairs, hunker down and have a War of the Roses scenario, what ever. But do not leave the home and leave the children with his wife.

I personally know a situation like the LW and the lawyer told the husband if he left he would probably not get main custodial rights (even though the wife was really a poor parent.) Eventually the wife ran off with one of the boyfriends, and the husband got the children after the divorce.

If boys are getting their idea of what girls/women bodies look like from porn or Playboy or just about any picture on a magazine cover, this is what they get:

Women do not have pubic hair. Women do not have pores. Women have perfectly round breasts that stick straight out and never ever change position, even if a woman is on her back. Women do not have bellies or cellulite or any body fat except in the butt and in the boobs.

Boys get the wrong idea and girls feel they are deformed.

It is criminal what has happened to body image.

These books (and the male version) should be handed out in class in 8th grade.