No - having children doesn't neccessarily change people for the better. But it should, shouldn't it? Shouldn't people with children be the ones who are the most strong advocates for improving life? For the Children?

But it doesn't anymore than any other thing changes people. I've met a LOT of people who believe that the End Time is just around the corner - and most of those people have children.

Life changes people. Some people are changed more than others. Some are more likely than others to see the continuation of life and the environment as an inportant value. Just like some people are just more sensitive than other. People differ and how they are changed by LIFE differs. The fact that some people have children and others don't - irrelavant.

As far as being pressured to have children - yes that does exist. And it is most targeted at women, by women (with children). This is not being overly ready to take offence - it just is.

I have friends and family with children and who are in the midst of their childbearing years. I have no child or parenthood hatred. I did truely hate the implecation that I was "not mature" "oh, you'll change your mind" "you'll never find a serious man" "you need a child to give your life focus" "maybe you just aren't very womanly" etc etc etc. Very annoying. It wasn't like I was standing on a soapbox challenging people with my intention to change the order of things and be part of the growing number of women who just don't have the big baby desire. Comments come from family and co-workers. Questions asked that I answered honestly - then the opinions came.

The pressure comes because we still have this idea that ALL women want babies. Like the idea that ALL women hanker after a wedding. And when a woman doesn't conform, it calls into question the theory. Like when people don't follow the culturally dominant religion.

The good news to the young woman in the article - the pressure declines and by the time she is 40, she will begin to be invisible and if she does the un-woman thing of not having children - no one will really care.

And if the pressure is from her mother - hope she has a sibling that will provide the grandchildren :) That worked for me!

LW - there is something lovely about snakes - they shed their old skin when they've outgrown it. I am your age and part of our old skin is our family and friends who are negatives to our life. There is nothing wrong with shedding them.

Family is family but you can still distance yourself from members who insist on roping you in to situations you have no desire to be in.

Any friend or family member who cares about you and understand there was an emotional link to an ex - bad or good - would not insist on hooking up with them. You should understand that your sister does compete with you - perhaps your "toughness" is something she always wanted more of. So she competes and by roping in your ex, she is trying to put you in second place to her.

Tell her that you do not want your ex in your life. Tell her you wish her well and hope she can finally find happiness with your ex.

And then disengage. Your sister doesn't have to be your best friend. She is probably more interested in upsetting you than in that guy. Don't be involved. Change the subject if it comes up, if she insists tell her you do not want to waste any more of your time on your ex - even talking about him. If that doesn't work - just be too busy to spend time with your sister. Let her deal with the situation. You shed her with your ex.

My mother and her younger sister (the more "fragile" one" are still bickering and engage in this dance - and they are in their 70's. It is amazing to watch them revert to drop 6 decades within a few minutes. And not in a good way. You sister may ALWAYS want to compete with you. Let her - just don't play your part in your particular dance.

As they say, you can choose your friends but not your family. But you do control how much time and life and thought you spend on family. You don't have to do a big break - just let go of the string - they will float away without much drama at all.