It has always seemed to me that rape and other acts intended to demean another person are motivated by the desire to feel powerful. The rapist choses a victim whom he perceives will allow him to dominate her. The rapist, like the generic bully, looks for someone who will not, or cannot, fight back. Rapists often choose hookers, but that is because the hookers are situationally vulnerable, not because they are "Pretty."

The way to avoid rape is to project strength and confidence, have a buddy along, and avoid compromising situations. From my experiences hitch-hiking and taking midnight walks alone, I believe clear thinking is the best defense against rape, no matter what clothes you are wearing or not wearing. If you project any sort of a challenge to him, the rapist will keep looking for an easier target.

(PS: I suppose Cary's comments could be interpreted to make him look like a drooling sex-starved beast. When I read them I took them more as that he would be a sensitive human soul looking for meaning in the faces and gestures of those around him on the bus. It is a stretch for me to imagine him stalking some young secretary down a dark street, grabbing her from behind and throwing her face-first onto the asphalt, holding a gun to her head as he takes her from behind.)

I am in a service profession (massage) which, like hairdressing, relies on client loyalty.

In my opinion the mediocre hairdresser is being manipulative in order to solicit/retain business.

Anyone who charges for their services cannot ethically demand you buy.

Likewise, if his heart bleeds every time he loses a client, he is in the wrong profession.

"Just what the heck does "happiness comes from within" mean? It was the last line of one of the posts. I've heard that expression since the 60s, usually with the caveat to not get too attached to anything, because (see above.) Is it part of some philosphy or religion or did it come off of a Hallmark card?"

-- flyover5

So where do you, flyover5, think happiness comes from? If you translate "happiness" as "inner peace" the phrase might seem clearer.

It is a part of many philosophies and surely has graced many Hallmark cards also.

i think what cary tennis was talking about were 2 qualities that seemed seemed lacking in the LW's world view: compassion and a sense of humour.

The LW seems to view this real-life Colin as a buzzing fly--where is the fly swatter when you need it?

Cary's approach is to see this person, with humour, as a victim of our pardigm, as we all are, hapless styrofoam cups and candy wrappers in the current of life.

This is going to sound a bit grim.

By thinking of his early death, or jumping ahead to him speaking at your funeral, you avoid envisioning his long, eventful life.

He's only 4. His life is before him. Speaking at your funeral will be only a small part of who he is.

Cannot you let him be, without dwelling on the possibility that his fate will somehow hurt you?

Find out who he is. He is not just an extension of you.

LW does not say the child is complaining. Apparently child is not hesitant or apprehensive about preschool. Teachers are witnessing the biting and reporting that the child is not crying when it happens. So it appears that the child is not particularly bothered by the biting, and may even enjoy it (up to the point of "ouchie.")

Children even at age 2 are communicating with their peers, in peer-appropriate ways. They are experimenting; for example, say the biter is teething on his buddy, perhaps it's because he feels comforted in other ways by the buddy and needs comfort for sore gums. Or, a child may notice that he can really get a good grip on hair and pull hard, and react with delight when the other child cries out, not because the hair-puller is mean, but because he has discovered something new. This is when the care-giver steps in to stop the hair-pulling.

Two-year-olds are inquisitive and observant. They are learning about cause and effect.

This seems to be a case where too much adult intervention might be more harmful than some bite-marks.

One of my cats insists on lying belly-up when held in my arms, apparently to put him in a better position to interact with paws and eyes. When he wants attention he wants undivided and he wants it NOW.

The other cat might tolerate the belly-up position briefly, but squirms to roll over and jump down. He prefers to lie on my supine chest and poke his wet nose in my face.

I would never shake my cats, even if i was mad at them. It just seems wrong. Their highly-evolved cerebellum gives them superb muscle coordination as well as dead-on paw-eye coordination. It is hard for us to even conceive how shaking might affect these acrobatic little hunters.

The whole situation reminds one of the crazy "illegal street drug" mess. Criminalization creates new problems which are worse than the inherent ones.

My younger sister D has been in a one-sided competition with me since we were kids, 40 years ago.

I used to receive positive attention for my creative writing. I was the kid who was always writing stories and poems. She was the kid who loved to work with paints. I have never known her to "write" for any reason other than to compete or "get it published."

To this day my sister continues to write in order to submit for publishing. She is a prolific graphic artist but will not show that work.

She now blames me for her unhappiness, and will not talk to me.

Sadly, she has let her need to compete and win dominate her reasoning.

Yes!

It's too bad LW did not call authorities immediately to stop this dubious character before he does more harm.