The LW should point out to the brother that even it the family kept marriages 2 & 3 a secret it's higly unlikely that all his brother's friends and acquaintances will. Has he really sworn each and every individual who ever knew him when he was married before to secrecy? And what about wives 2 & 3 themselves? (Assuming that they're alive and well). Is the brother sure they will never pop back into the picture? What if he and #4 run into one of them by accident and she spills the beans? From the sound of the letter, 'life of the party' brother must have a fairly extensive social circle. Even if the marriages occurred many years ago, there's always going to be a picture or letter somewhere that will give him away. It's absurd for him to think that if the family doesn't tell his fiancee no one will. Or am I missing something here? The choice is not between telling the fiancee and letting her remain in blissful ignorance, but between telling her and letting her find out by accident. If the LW can make the brother understand that sooner or later she's going find out anyway, maybe, just maybe, the brother will do the right thing and tell her himself. If not, I agree that the family should go ahead and do it. And I wouldn't be surpirsed if she already knew and was simply pretending not to. In this day and age, nobody's history is ever completely secret.

Excuse me, but don't French kids drink cafe au lait from the time they're in grade school? And I have no doubt that if you traveled across the border to Montreal or the city of Quebec you'd find many teens doing the same. I don't know about Italy, Spain or South America, but someone who's fraveled widely might comment on coffee consumption in other cultures, because I have the feeling that this horror of children guzzling caffein is simply not shared by the rest of the world.

"The problem is that my roommate doesn't treat my cats like cats; she treats them like babies. When she sees them, she picks them up and turns them upside down."

Really?? Do you people out there with babies routinely turn them upside down whenever you pick them up? I'd worry more about this woman treating babies as cats rather than cats as babies. Or maybe that's why she's not working with them anymore. But seriously, LW, you tell us a lot about how your roommate treats your cats, but little about how you do. Do you play with them, too? Or do you tend to just let them be? Some cats actually like attention. Maybe if you interacted with them more, it would send a message to your roommate that they actually are your cats. Just saying "They're my cats," doesn't mean much if you tend to treat them more like plants--giving them basic care but not doing much more. Get some cat toys and make a point of playing with the cats yourself when your roommmate is around. That might do it.

A young woman named Samantha Abeel has written a great memoir about growing up with dyscalculia, "My Thirteenth Winter."

The Harvard-based reseach center, www.faceblind.org is a good resource for prosopagnosia.

I have some degree of both dyscalculia and prosopagnosia in mild to moderate forms. There was no awareness of these things while I was growing up, and although a diagnosis can sometimes be a burden, it can also be a relief. It seems that most of the people writing in about dyscaluclia are women and it would be interesting to learn more about this. As far as I know, prosopagnosiacs are more likely to be men, but again, many of the people writing about it are women so it's difficult to say what syndromes are more "female" or "male."

The advice everybody has given so far has been very sound and potentially useful. But from the tone of the letter, I wonder if the writer could have a mild case of Aspergers syndrome. It runs in familes and the two nerdy, socially unskilled but professionally accomplished parents do fit the picture. People with Aspergers can and do make friends, but their 'take' on social skills is radically different. They don't get small talk or just hanging out. Yes, they can learn to do those things, but often it's not emotionally satisfying. They begin to feel that they have to do these things because this is what 'normal' people do to make friends and if they just keep trying somehow they will eventually connect. But this doesn't happen and their failed efforts can lead into a downward spiral of isolation and defeat. In short, LW, what works for most people might not work for you. I'm not saying you shouldn't try all the things people have mentioned here, but after six months or so, if you don't really have the sense deep inside that you are conncecting to people, you might want to try talking to a counselor who's familar with Aspergers. If your school doesn't have one, the internet can help you. I'd give you the names of a few organizations but if you do have Aspergers you're probably very good at using the net already.