Today, are women who choose to stay home betraying feminism?

No. A big, fat emphatic NO.

Like others, I am unbelievably SICK TO DEATH of this debate as well as the false dichatomy. Thanks to the work of Friedan and others wife & motherhood is no longer an obligation, it's a choice. Women are not measured solely on their ability to "catch" a man or reproduce. Women who do choose to be full-time moms are not betraying feminism. End of story.

Can we all focus on something else for a change? How about making our work culture more family-friendly so working mothers are able to do both with more support, flex time, etc.?

I find it so frustrating how much energy is wasted on this so-called debate.

Let's move on already.

I've personally done a lot of research on various conception-related assistance. I belong to a community of people who must consider medically-assisted reproduction if they want to get pregnant-- lesbians. I've known quite a few women who have used various methods to try and get pregnant, from the "turkey baster" to IVF. Much of it is prohibitively expensive and not covered by the vast majority of health plans. Those that do cover it often have spending caps that help very little. Others have explicit restrictions on the kind of women they will help-- forget it if you're not married.

Why is it so expensive? Because it's not covered by insurance. Why isn't it covered? Because it's so expensive. I hate to sound like an anti-choicer, but health insurance often covers abortion, contraception, viagra, but they will not cover expenses to help women get pregnant. Also, for the record, fertility problems are a lot more common than most people think and many of them have nothing to do with a woman's age. Also, while this article focuses on IVF, there are a lot of other processes and procedures that people usually try before IVF. IVF is usually the last option after a few years of trying other methods. By the point people have often spent thousands and devoted many painful years to trying to get pregnant-- in that context IVF no longer seems quite so crazy.

I personally oppose any new government regulation of reproduction-assisted medicine. Like many areas in medicine getting politicians involved that have no medical background to regulate medical practices and procedures is a truly bad idea. I know I'm personally wary of regulation because odds are people like me will get caught in the net-- there have already been legislative attempts to ban doctors from helping unmarried women get pregnant. I don't think we should open up this area to partisan meddling by people who don't understand it and approach to push their own agenda. The only thing I do agree with is pressuring insurance companies to offer more coverage.

All that being said, I do wish that there were a greater acceptance of adoption in this country. If people could focus a lot less on having a baby that is "theirs" they could have children much sooner than they realize.

In the LW's story there seems to be something missing-- namely an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her boyfriend about what he is thinking about their future.

If he makes a choice to move away for his career with no expectation that she can/will follow, he might be trying to dump her, passive-aggressive style. He also might not be thinking that far into the future, he's just investigating his career options. But the fact that he is considering leaving her of his own volition isn't a subtle message, it's not as though he is being transferred. But the fact that she doesn't seem to know what he is really thinking one way or another speaks volumes.

Overall it does seem like they're at an impasse. It might be as simple as that. Respecting her child and its relationship to their dad, she wants to stay put. He wants to go somewhere else, to pursue another path, but knows she won't/can't go with him. But she doesn't seem to know if he really wants to do it with or without her.

A few words to the people who think they're not already a family-- they are. They own a house together, he plays the role of stepfather, that is a commitment with or without a license or ceremony. She makes no mention of wanting marriage, not everyone thinks that marriage is the end-all, be-all. People can leave marriages the same way they leave other committed relationships.

As for demonizing her, I think she's already trying to do what is best, to come to terms with a major change in her life, and she knows what is the right choice but doesn't understand how he could just leave voluntarily for a potential new career. Let the poor woman work it out. That is why she is writing for advice, for pete's sake. Take your rage against all women elsewhere, cretins.