Letters to the Editor
TooMuchSass
Published Letters: 80 Editor's Choice: 7
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Wow
[Read the article: I'm a brilliant scientist and I fear for the world's fate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary should visit his dad more often! Great answer.
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Focus on what you want, not what you deserve
[Read the article: I'm a high-school dropout in law school and I feel like an impostor!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Hi LW,
You ask how to (a) find the "right mind" to pass the bar, become a lawyer, and be a success, and (b) evaluate your abilities when you find all the right arguments for why you will fail.
The answers to your questions are (a) stop worrying about what you deserve, and instead focus on what you want, and (b) stop evaluating your abilities, and instead decide that following the path of your desire is your only choice - no matter how it ends.
This is your life. Decide what you want and go for it. It doesn't matter if you are of mediocre aptitude or ability. Let's say for the sake of argument that you are. You still deserve to feel good about yourself and realize your dreams. You can certainly still make a living as an attorney. There are successful people of uneven abilities in all fields. It's actually not that big a deal, all you have to do is keep putting effort into each task you face.
The sentence "Now I have to step up to the plate and finally get rubbed against the litmus paper to see if I'm legit" is complete BS. It's a cognitive distortion. That kind of thinking is getting in your way. You'll think it again when you go on the job market, again with your first big case, again when you have a kid. Correct this pattern of thinking before you make every new phase of your life into a tortuously stressful battle.
You survived law school. That's a good thing! You may take several tries to pass the bar. If you really want it, it doesn't matter. Decide what you want and take whatever action you need to, whether that means working with a cognitive-behavioral therapist, life coach, or tutor, reading books on how to study or how to reframe cognitive distortions, or exercising regularly.
C'mon, you don't really think that only A-B students deserve to realize their dreams, do you? Be a little more democratic and realistic in your thinking. You get to have a great family and pursue a rewarding career whether you're super smart or just medium. Get rid of this "Am I the unique individual who is just too crappy to get the life I deserve?" thinking.
Your goals are realistic and attainable. Just keep taking the action you need to progress at each step. If you can't get rid of the unhelpful thought patterns (and the havoc they probably wreak on your behavior) by yourself or with the book Cary recommends, then do it with a professional.
You can do it. Good luck.
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You can still be friends after he hits on you
[Read the article: What do young men mean when they say, "Let's hang out"?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW may be underestimating the degree to which all young men are horny... and also the degree to which horny young men are willing to be friends after getting shot down sexually.
It's easy: Proceed as friends, and if and when he hits on you, sweetly turn him down. Plenty of guys will stay friends with you and think, "Hey, I gave it a shot." Many of my male-female relationships have started this way.
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Siblings' behavior sounds reasonable - I'm confused by LW's reaction!
[Read the article: I'm having a European family feud]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, I'm not sure why you feel so attacked. Your angry feelings of being attacked don't actually mesh at all with the facts you stated.
To review: Your sibs gave you feedback that they have issues with your husband's behavior (aloof, not a family person, doesn't ask them questions about themselves - he sounds like a hard guy to have around!). You call these "complaints," which is a dismissive and loaded way to characterize other people's concerns. Maybe his behavior just makes them feel bad and rather than gossip about it like plenty of lesser people would do, they wanted to make things better. Your brother has tried to talk to you about this before, apparently to no avail (you call this "harping," which is a pretty snide way to describe someone trying to tell you about something that bothers them). You tell him to go directly to your husband, so he does. Instead of trying to assuage their concerns, your husband tells your brother to f--- off.
And you have the balls to email your sister playing the victim?? Let's be clear. Your siblings are the victims here, of your dismissiveness towards their feelings and your husband's rudeness (f--- off??).
If you care about these relationships at all, you would do well to reflect long and hard on your sister's letter, and look for ways to mend your behavior. It sounds like your sister is really struggling with you, but she manages to keep a civil tone. If your tone with your siblings is half as snide and dismissive as it is in your letter, it probably makes your sibs feel bad.
I have no idea what you mean by crossing a line in the sand. Nothing your sibs did sounds that rude or mean. It seems like they dared to express how your husband's behavior makes them feel. Why is that so wrong? Your seething reaction makes no sense to me.