Letters to the Editor
TooMuchSass
Published Letters: 80 Editor's Choice: 7
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Naivete and Self-Importance
[Read the article: I stood on principle and was harshly reprimanded]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
You sound either very young and naive, or very out of touch with reality and stuck on rigid beliefs about right and wrong and your role in regulating them.
Your first priority is to do a good job at the tasks described in your job description.
Your letter sounds astoundingly naive. You are not demonstrating integrity, as you state. You are demonstrating a lack of understanding of your role in the organization, and an inflated sense of self-importance. As an assistant, your role is not to correct higher ups. No one wants that from an assistant. If the powerlesness angers you or makes you uncomfortable, work hard at the job your were hired to do and get into a position with power.
Good luck.
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No no no
[Read the article: How can I convince my girlfriend that this is as good as it gets?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's answer is ridiculous. She has fallen out of love with you.
I have been on both sides of this a number of times. Good relationships do feel stale after a while, but NOT after 9 months without kids, joint finances, and life transitions to navigate.
There will be plenty of time for staleness later on. Do not try to convince her any more. Let her go. There is someone out there who will be thrilled with you after 9 months, a year, two years. Really.
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Thin & thin-skinned
[Read the article: My hip-to-waist ratio is nobody's business but mine]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]We all deal with minor annoyances such as comments on our looks, rude drivers, having our names mispronounced, noisy neighbors, inappropriate questions, etc. It's inevitable and not that big a deal unless you make it one in your own mind.
The issue is not that people are rude and need to learn. The issue is that at 55 LW has not developed adequate strategies for minimizing the distress she experiences in response to everyday life, aka a thick skin.
For the record, 115 at 5'5" is pretty skinny. I'm 5'4", and after months of Weight Watchers and a herculean effort I made it down to 120, which was a size 0. I got comments all the time on being too skinny (and that was in LA!).
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Branch out
[Read the article: My friend has gone bad]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It sounds like this friend has created the life around her that she wants. You should do likewise, instead of criticizing her.
All this complaining and feeling affronted about one friend is a little out of proportion. Do you have other friends? Interests? Focus on them a little more and on her a little less.
Accept her as who she is and spend the amount of time with her that makes sense for you and your preferences.
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Cary's answer made my mind wander
[Read the article: I'm an absent-minded engineer; my mind wanders and so does my wallet]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I identified with LW's problem, and I couldn't make it through Cary's rambling answer. I found the idea of analyzing the systems of one's life incredibly boring.
Like LW, I tend to zone out a lot, lose things, and experience uneven motivation. A friend just recommended a mindfulness audio book, and so far I like it. I'd say give something like that a try.
Good luck!!
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I don't get it
[Read the article: 15 years ago I said something offensive and now I want to apologize ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW said it was one episode of dorky ignorance, not tormenting or bullying.
I seriously don't get this one. I can't imagine what was possibly said that would still be plaguing someone 15 years later. Especially since LW's concern seems to be "how it changed his perception of me."
Junior high, for God's sake! Weren't we all dorky and ignorant?
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You can survive without your family's support
[Read the article: I thought I could overcome my past, but now it's dragging me down ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
It sounds like you have accomplished a LOT, and now you're having a setback. You are right that leaning on your family has caused you problems. A basic step for your future happiness is to put a safe boundary between you and your family.
You can get a steady job and an apartment. You can. Do that, and then work towards finding an affordable therapist who can help you. You do not need your family's assistance. You can do it.
Good luck.
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Re: "What is dating?"
[Read the article: My wife is seeing someone and it hurts more than I expected]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Among people I know, "not serious" means you're having sex with the person but (a) for whatever reason, you don't see it developing into something permanent, and/or (b) you don't feel love or in love. Generally, some enjoyable company that won't be long-term. This is in LA amongst thirty- and forty- somethings.
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You can do this
[Read the article: I'm isolated in a depressed urban area ... and now my parents have moved in with me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW asks, "Is anyone really happy these days, or are they just getting by like me?"
I am happy and I know others who are. But we ALL passed through periods of difficulty, stagnation, and hopelessness on the way. Ten years ago I was worried that life was passing me by, and thought I was doomed to staying stuck and isolated because of my passive and ineffective nature.
Like others, I recommend taking action. The action is the goal in itself. Even if you don't believe the action will help, you must do it. It's the way out (even if you don't see that till later).
Think on a very basic level about activities that make you feel good. Good as in having fun, feeling carefree, feeling connected to the moment, or experiencing flow (as described by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi). Read his stuff and stuff by Martin Seligman.
Force yourself to engage in some activity with other people, even if it's hard and you don't enjoy it at first. Meetup.com is great for this, as is internet dating. Also "interest" groups such as the Sierra Club which host group hikes or volunteer opportunities. If you have other interests, find or create the groups for those. Don't expect to like it right away. Just do it because you know it's the way out of stagnation and isolation.
I know a lot of people who have been where you are. It's totally possible to get out. Good luck.
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@ Laterlily
[Read the article: I'm isolated in a depressed urban area ... and now my parents have moved in with me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Have you tried attending several events of the same group yet?
In my experience (also LA), the people in the groups tend to have a sense of familiarity and camaraderie that builds over the months. I've had the same experience with a monthly book club. You'd be amazed at the sense of community and affection that can grow in such groups, leading to one-on-one friendships, side outings, etc.