Letters to the Editor
TooMuchSass
Published Letters: 75 Editor's Choice: 7
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Your helplessness is all in your mind
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, what are you afraid of?? I don't understand the dilemma. You don't clearly articulate it. As many posters have pointed out, the obvious solution is to change the locks (not that a big deal, even for renters), buy some good window locks, and put his stuff outside the door. I can't imagine what's stopping you from doing it. Plenty of people have done this - it's standard. Heck, I've done it, and for less reason than this guy is giving you!
You are acting helpless, but the helplessness is only in your mind.
If you are so afraid, stay somewhere else for a week or two, and have a trusted friend who does not feel so helpless stay at your place.
What are you so afraid of? That this guy will cuss you out from the sidewalk? Break a window? If he gets out of line, then you get a restraining order like last time. It worked then. What are you so afraid of now?
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Open yourself up
[Read the article: How can I get a writing job?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I mean this kindly, but LW you are making a lot of excuses. Of course you can afford an internship. Everyone I know who gets paid to write started out writing for free to get clips.
If you really want this, you have to chart a course and follow it. And you have to accept that in the short term, you have to give some things up to get those clips, starting with your full-time admin job.
In my 20's I worked as a waitress, a line cook, an office temp and a part-time office assistant. The reason I took these jobs is they allowed me to work at a part-time unpaid internship, which was the only job furthering my actual career. Internships are like school, you need to work odd jobs to make them work.
Another thing: you claim you can't get hired to write due to lack of experience. So another option is to get a job copy editing, which you have experience doing. Then lobby for opportunities to write at that publication. Or get any kind of job for any kind of publication, and then beg and schmooze your way into writing.
I could go on with options, but I sense you'll resist them. Your letter makes it sound as if you are only open to the possibility of immediate work getting paid for writing despite your lack of experience. You need to clarify your priorities. There's no practical reason anyone would pay you to write without seeing clips.
You may consider asking yourself why you are only open to the least likely scenario. Are you sure you want to be a writer?
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Did Cary pay attention to what LW was saying?
[Read the article: I like him but he's weird about money]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's response would have been great if someone had written in saying they feel intimidated about learning about finances.
This LW, however, describes a boyfriend living in filth whose approach to life so so fundamentally different from hers that she feels alienated in her own relationship. She craves connection and asks how to come to terms with a relationship in which that eludes her.
Cary overidentified with the LW and thought she was going through just what he is, but she isn't. She is going through something totally different, and she deserved a totally different answer -- one that was tailored to her own situation instead of to Cary's.
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Details vs. Big Picture
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Honestly if my husband tried this post-partum, I'd say something like, "I have heard what you have told me. We can deal with the ramifications of what you are saying once the baby is four months old. I cannot deal with this right now. You're talking about ending a 12-year relationship, so 3 more months shouldn't make much of a difference." And in the meantime I would consult with an attorney and make contingency plans. Lots of contingency plans.
LW is getting lost in meaningless details, trying fruitlessly to interpret inconsistencies in what her husband is saying. I can understand why. She has a 2-week-old baby, she is overwhelmed and sleep-deprived, and she's facing the surely terrifying prospect of her marriage ending. As a consequence, she's putting way too much stock in understanding her husband's point of view.
It's fruitless because neither she nor her husband can make sense right now. Of course his logic is inconsistent! There's a brand new baby in the house, plus four more. More talking and attempts at understanding his murky motivations are not going to help. Set that aside for now.
Right now, LW has far too many practical problems facing her to waste her energy trying to know something that is unknowable. She needs to negotiate with husband and assert her immediate needs clearly. She has a 2-week old baby and 4 other kids to take care of for God's sake.
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@momof2- compassion versus disdain
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why is it necessary to express such disdain in response to one poster's sharing of what she experienced as the baby vortex? Especially since you're still in your early stages of childrearing, and may lack the perspective of someone writing after the fact?
I thought the baby vortex poster made a nice compassionate point. Maybe your experience is different, but that doesn't make her point "bs," as you put it.
I have seen a lot of couples in therapy and I am a married mom of three. Most couples struggle with what the poster described as the baby vortex. There is also research to support its existence (decline of marital satisfaction during the transition to parenthood, and factors that influence it).
If you are one of the rare couples who manages to avoid it, congratulations. But why dismiss the experience of the majority who do experience it?