Letters to the Editor
TooMuchSass
Published Letters: 67 Editor's Choice: 7
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Lay off the Haterade, Salon readers!
[Read the article: Bad news dad]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This piece really brought out the cranks (using ALL CAPS for emphasis is a big tip off).
"Disappointed" because you were looking to Salon for inspiration on Father's Day? Puh-lease!
Who gives a crap?
Misdirected hostility has been identified as a major contributor to heart disease... take a deep breath!
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What Ever Happened to Mild Assertiveness in the Moment?
[Read the article: My new assistant laughs at everything I say]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Wow, Cary really went off on a tangent with this one. This girl is nervous and wants you to like her.
Why do people continually suggest "taking someone aside" for a talk instead of simply dealing with something in the moment? "A talk" can really blow things out of proportion. "A talk" is a substitute for some minor assertive behavior in the moment. People who are too scared to be minimally assertive in the moment are forced to have separate "talks."
Simply do or say something in the moment to discourage the behavior that bothers you. Possiblilies: When she laughs, look at her quizzically and pause; tell her you weren't trying to be funny; ask why she's laughing; ask if something you said was funny; state that you don't understand why she's laughing; observe mildly that she laughs a lot when you're not joking. Any of these, done gently and simply, will probably be enough. No need to have "a talk," obsess endlessly about the situation, or follow Cary into his paranoid fantasy.
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Break up! Break up!
[Read the article: My boyfriend is nice, but I fantasize about wilder times]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Dear LW,
You can skip a lot of the responses to your letter. Stop thinking. Thinking won't bring you the answer. The prospect of spending the rest of your life with him either brings on a sense of peace or a sense of foreboding. Waking up next to him - as he is, not an idealized or slightly modified him - either gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach or delights you.
You have to go with your gut on this one. It's ok to break up with someone without knowing why. All you need to know is whether you really really want him above all others or not. If you're not sure it's not there. Don't think about it anymore. Break up. One day with someone else it will be there. Trust me.
Life is too long and hard to spend it with someone who doesn't delight you in endless ways.
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Talk to her
[Read the article: I'm an analytical chemist with a two-body problem]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'll chime in with the many who point out that postdocs are temporary training positions. I'm in science too and many couples I know have to split up during postdoc. Many others prioritize being in the same city. It depends on the couple and on the stage their relationship is in.
LW makes it sound like he doesn't know what's going on in his own relationship ("all the evidence tells me that she feels the same about me"). We don't have enough information to advise him, and neither does he, apparently. He'll find the answer to his question in a series of long conversations with his girl, not in the Salon Letters pages.
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Ugh
[Read the article: I have guilty knowledge about my girlfriend]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I know this column is for entertainment, but seriously. It's too much. Too much tangential crappy advice in response to straightforward problems. Now, not just crappy but creepy!
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Nostalgic for the days of radio?
[Read the article: My wife is terrible on the cellphone!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This has to be one of those famous fake letters. I'm in my late 30's and none of my 40-something friends would talk about "dialing" a number on a cellphone or being too old to text.
Only a teenager would think 40's is "old" - this has to be written by a teenager!
As a matter of fact, I think Cary had an 80-year-old imposter write his response, too...
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Reframe
[Read the article: I'm an interesting, talented artist but I can't take the rejection!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A simple cognitive reframe might serve LW well. As numerous letters attest, rejection is an unavoidable part of creating art. Many gifted artists experience mountains of rejection either before meeting their criteria for success, or in lieu of it.
Perhaps LW could think of rejection as inevitable. As a good thing. Each rejection is great news, one more necessary rejection to plow through on your way to success. Each one brings you closer to your goal.
Since recognition depends both on the art itself and the quality of the recognizer, your art may not be appreciated in your lifetime. Posthumous recognition may need to be your fantasy/goal.
(Although I agree with those who say the art is the goal itself, it seems this LW values recognition from others very highly. It may be less of a stretch for LW to simply accept that rejection is a good thing that must precede his idea of success, rather than change his whole orientation to life.)
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Sick of people who are sick of hearing about Jews!
[Read the article: The 18 best Jewish ballplayers of all time]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]To all the cranks who are sick of hearing about Jews (are you serious?!?!): go back to your Fox news and leave the Jews alone already! Did you guys write when there was a quinceanera piece and complain that you were sick of Mexicans, too? You're probably sick of blacks, and if I had to guess you're pretty sick of women too.
Thanks, Mr. Keri for a fun piece. Keep up the good work Salon.