Letters to the Editor

• Another missed point

  [Read the article: Can I have my wedding money now?]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  The LW is assuming that the weddings her sister's received from mom and dad were "gifts" for the sister's enjoyment, or so they could have fun and get lots of presents from the guests. That's the kind of entirely wrong take on it that I would expect from an embittered 30ish single woman (not all single 30ish women are embittered, obviously, but this one certainly is).

  The parents spent that money, dear LW, so that THEY would get to enjoy celebrating the fact that their daughters were in love, had met a special partner and were entering into marriage and family life, presumably leading someday to cute little grandchildren. The wedding hoopla -- all the stuff that costs thousands of $$$ -- is just kerfluffle surrounding this fact. Spending a lot of money on a wedding is fun (you get to pick out a lot of cool stuff) and it's fun showing off in front of your friends. That's really the sum of it. Otherwise, people would all get married at City Hall and wear feed sacks.

  I can't see where your poor widowed mom is going to get anything out of paying off your debts. It would convenience YOU of course, but there is nothing in it for HER. Try to understand that she and your late dad gave these two big weddings for THEMSELVES to enjoy, and not for your sisters financial well-being, and maybe this will make more sense to you.

  It is very unlikely unless your mom is extremely well-to-do that there was ever any specific money earmarked for you or for the sisters. Your dad was probably alive and working 12 years ago, and he probably went into debt to pay for the weddings. An elderly widow is not in the same position. You simply let this go too long -- if you had either gotten married OR asked for some help buying a house WHEN DAD WAS ALIVE AND WORKING, maybe this plan would have had a little merit, but you simply can't go to a retired widow and demand cash.

  Another dumb point everyone is missing: the LW is only 31. Lots of women today don't marry until their 30s, it's not even considered very old anymore. (The average age is something like 27.) She will very likely get married sometime in the future, and then what? Will mom have to pony up first for her debts and down payment, and then 4 years later, for her "Oops, I guess I am getted married afer all!" wedding??? Because statistically, that's what is likely to happen.

  I think the LW is just bitter and unhappy that she hasn't met the right partner yet, especially because she tells us she hasn't dated much and that the only relationship she did have, has floundered. Getting money from your elderly widowed mother will not make up for your lack of dating success, LW!

  Your mom did not offer your sisters a choice of a wedding or a sack full of gold bullion, because your parent's WANTED to throw weddings for them. Your mom still has hope for you, I promse. She still sees you getting married someday. To ask for this money (even if she gives it to you) will destroy her hopes for your future, rather prematurely. You are 31, not 51. At the minimum, suck it up for another decade, and during that time, try to live frugally, save up for that down payment and pay off your debts ON YOUR OWN. You might also want to put a little more effort into dating. Like all other things in life, dating success doesn't happen as often to people who sit around feeling sorry for themselves and who wait for stuff to be handed to them on a silver platter.

  Oh, speaking of silver platters: I don't know who put out the idea that brides get all kinds of great gifts. Most of the gifts that I got, and that my friends got, were total pieces of crap...things like engraved silver trays, monogrammed picture frames, napkin rings, embroidered tea towels, etc. All stuff you can't even return for the cash, LOL. Only on TV, or amongst the hoi polloi, do people get gifts of new cars or bags of money. Most people don't get much of anything really valuable, the gifts are both overpriced and symbolic, rendering them useless for the most part.

  Stop angsting around and being so jealous and greedy. You will profit more in your life if you concentrate on making your own life a good and productive one, than worrying constantly about what other people have that you do not.

  Permalink Tuesday, July 17, 2007 07:03 AM