Letters to the Editor
Laurel962
Published Letters: 475 Editor's Choice: 37
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Fired or laid off?
[Read the article: I was fired because I was the fall guy. What do I say in interviews?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There is a clear distinction between being fired and being laid off (or "forced to resign"), and it is important -- if you are FIRED (i.e., FOR CAUSE) then you cannot get unemployment compensation from the state.
From the letter, I assume the LW is getting unemployment compensation (or he'd be far more frantic). So, no matter how miserable the terms of his job loss, or how lousy the corporation was, he wasn't (technically) fired. He was (technically again) "laid off" or terminated.
Most companies really don't want to bother fighting the state unemployment office, and just rubber stamp this stuff. They also don't want any potential law suits, although these are usually futile on the part of former employees, especially in right to work states. (However, companies DO fear people suing over stuff like discrimination, sexual, racial or age related, but that doesn't seem to apply here.)
Because of the fear of lawsuits, most companies will NOT give out information over the telephone such as whether you were fired, or if they liked you or whatever. They will want to avoid the appearance of wrong doing by only saying "yes you did work there" and from what date to what date. It is very rare anymore that a company -- at least one with an informed HR department -- will say ANYTHING more than this.
My point being, the LW is on pretty firm ground to say no more than "I was laid off, due to cutbacks (or downsizing)" and NOTHING more. He doesn't have to discuss his lack of training, or whine about responsibilities or how he failed -- all "interview killers", and things that will make the interviews very awkward and difficult. So many people are downsized today that this is absolutely acceptable and won't be questioned at all.
There is nothing worse, in an interview (or LOL, a blind date) than "too much information" (TMI). Oversharing, especially when done too early, makes you seem desperate, and desperation is a VERY unattractive, loser-ish quality that nearly guarantees failure. NOBODY wants to hire or date a loser!
Similarly, nobody likes people who are angry, even if that anger is very justified. Suck it up, and be sure you appear happy, well-adjusted, reasonable and ready to get to work for your new company and boss. The suggestions about a job coach or counseling are very reasonable.
I wish the LW a lot of luck. This is one of the worst dog-eat-dog economies and a lot more people are out of work than even the harshest statistics show, due to downsizing, outsourcing, etc. All you can do is try to survive the best you can and swim with the sharks. Good luck to you.
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It's not about the Chinese ancestor
[Read the article: My husband has Chinese ancestry but his son wants to keep it secret]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Glad I read to the end of these posts, and heard from the LW. But sorry, this is not about your husband having a smidgen of Asian ancestry way back when. I don't even think the stepson and family are racists, at all. This isn't the issue.
The issue is that the stepson adopted the wife's illegitimate child, changed her birth certificate (yes, this is perfectly legal and done all the time) and has passed her off for 22 years as his biological daughter. Obviously they are hiding the adoption and illegitimate birth because of their rightwing Christian beliefs -- they want the girl to believe she is the product of a moral, upright marriage, i.e., no sex before marriage, etc. and pass these values on to her.
Problem is: it's a lie. And the girl is TWENTY THREE by now, at least, since she was adopted 22 years ago and wasn't a newborn even then. I think as an ADULT, she has every right to know her origins, and her parents are dead wrong to withold this, especially for the dumb ass reason above.
I think the LW has every right as another adult, an adult with pertinent information that this young woman needs to know, to tell her. This would not be true if she was 12 or 6, because as a child it is up to her parents to decide what she needs to know. But it is different for an adult. She is at an age when she is likely to get married herself, and have children, and she needs to know the truth.
I don't even get the impression the LW cares about this, however. She seems more into the genealogical aspects and nothing else. And this isn't even really her grandchild. So I am not seeing her doing this.
But I wish someone would. Her parents were very derelict in the parental obligations by not doing this, say on her 18th birthday. They are putting some phony moral standards (i.e., "lying is OK as long as it perpetuates a moral code of chasity") ahead of the truth. The truth is what is really moral, no matter what religion you claim to believe in!
Whatever happens, I hope someone in the family has to decency to talk to this young woman and tell her the truth. Then I hope she has it in heart to forgive her asshole parents.