Letters to the Editor
Afro Goddess
Published Letters: 178 Editor's Choice: 22
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LW, you are very young..
[Read the article: I'm a med student, but my boyfriend has just a high school education]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, you are very young and that isn't a bad thing at all. But your experience with life and your identity is that of a hoop-jumping achiever. Because you are young this is all you know about life.
So this guy who seems to be perfect for you lives a life outside of your realm of understanding. He isn't jumping through hoops. He's sitting on the sidelines, sipping his drink of choice, living pretty happily. And you can't fathom that. In fact, it may be disconcerting to you (your letter to Cary proves my observation). Why is it hard for you to jump while letting him sit? Are you worried that your children might be psychologically confused by an over achieving mother and laissez faire father?
And because you lack the small bit of maturity that says "live and let live" and "don't sweat the small stuff", you've decided to make him your new assignment and "fix" him. But him being more ambitious won't make your relationship better, won't make him a better person, make him treat you better, or make you the perfect couple.
If he became less of himself and more of what you want him to be, he might not have time to love you the way he does now. He might have more meetings and new acquaintances to get to know. And then before you know it, no matter how attractive and smart and good on paper you are, something might go missing. Ambition doesn't make you better, but it will change things.
So the real issue is this:
How much do you respect your boyfriend? 'Cause sometimes you have to respect a grown man's decisions about his own life. He isn't a crackhead, a drug dealer, or homeless. He isn't cheating on you or boring you. He doesn't have kids or major issues that impede or complicate your relationship.
If there is one complication, its you trying to "fix" him. Not everyone wants to or is meant to jump hoops. Maybe you need a man who isn't jumping hoops in order to calm your hoopin' @ss down!
Just something to consider when you're not thinking less of him, but ACTING like his choices about his life aren't good enough for you.
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SE, she's too young for a relationship of differences to work...
[Read the article: I'm a med student, but my boyfriend has just a high school education]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]She needs to dump boyfriend.
She won't do it tomorrow or next week, but at some point she'll use his lack of ambition as a reason to dump him because I don't think she can see herself with someone who represents all that she's worked to get away from.
That's why she wants to fix him. She doesn't respect his decisions or how he lives his life. He isn't good on paper like she is.
He might not be GOP, but maybe he's GIB (great in bed), or GIL (great in living).
She's too young to realize that GIL is the whole point.
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I would think that porn would be a perfect forum for feminism...
[Read the article: Who put this feminism in my porno?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Porn is an ever changing genre of film that, I feel, has never been fully explored and embraced by women. As feminists, I feel that they and I have a responsibility to own our sexuality and, for those of us who are more artistic, explore our sexuality on film and video.
If porn is less interested in the female POV, its because primarily it isn't made for or by women. So the role of feminism should be to flesh out the roles of women in porn in order educate, in the most pleasurable way, everyone about the wide ranges of female sexuality.
I have long wished that I had the energy to make porn. Not soft and gauzey porn where women sigh and cry underneath or on top of male models. Instead I've wanted to make rough and tumble porn, the partial focus of which is on women's furious attempts to feed animalistic sexual urges. I want to see an equal level of interest and enjoyment in sex, not just a woman being a vessel.
I think its about time. Porn as a genre is getting pretty boring. Its in dire need of some innovation. I think that feminists with an eye for strong storytelling and boundary-less kink sensibilities can transform porn into something almost artistic and more realistic.
I just hope that feminists can let go of this idea that porn isn't for them. If you are a sexual and sensual person, its for you too!
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Anne in NYC
[Read the article: Who put this feminism in my porno?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I wonder why you think that feminist porn isn't your thing.
In reality it might not be your thing, but considering that you've never watched it, aren't you doing what many women do when it comes to porn and their sexuality, which is reject a thing before you've explored it? For all you know feminist porn may lead to an "Ah haa!" moment for you.
Not that you are particularly doing so, but its always been interesting to me how some feminists assert that we be equal in every societial fashion but the one thing that divides the sexes...sex. And the smaller feminist sects that take on sex are either lesbians or considered too weird to take seriously.