Letters to the Editor
Afro Goddess
Published Letters: 160 Editor's Choice: 21
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Hurting yourself...
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The reason why your homeless leech asked you why you're doing all of this to yourself is because you are.
You need to change the locks, get a security system, do the restraining order, and call the cops when he shows up at your door (no discussion or yelling through the door at him. Just call cops!). You need to take a picture of him, tape it to the letter you leave on the steps to your house with all his belongings, telling him simply that 1. he doesn't live there anymore, and 2. if he comes near you or the house that his picture and information is on file to get him picked up and hauled off to jail.
You had major problems with this guy years ago and yet you never learned your lesson. You weren't doing him a favor as much as trying to assuage your lonliness by letting him return. Survival dictates that he won't leave because you offer him food, shelter, and a lifestyle that he is completely unwilling to work towards himself. You keep appealing to a level of fairness in him that he can't afford to have.
So instead of playing doctor and trying to treat the cause of his problems (and therefore yours), you need to get rid of the symptom - him! Neither of you needs to know why he's a f*ckup as long as he gets the h*ll out! He can figure his issues out at a shelter or on the street corner. Helping him help himself will take too long. If you're writing letters to strangers for help, you can't afford for him to determine when your life will get right. You don't have to explain why you're kicking him out or excuse anything to this man 'cause he already knows.
I beg you to stop looking outside for help, and start helping yourself! I've known of dire situations with both men and women who invited harm into their lives and spent more time wondering why their helpfulness was rewarded by abuse, than trying to get rid of the abuser. If he has the potential for violence, then please consider him dangerous. You are taking away his food and shelter, so he may want to hurt you in order to make you continue supporting him or retaliate. It might seem unreal to you, but if you don't handle this correctly, you could end up dead.
Right now your job is NOT to understand him. It is to get rid of him, and possibly save your life!
Like I said: 1. change the locks, 2. get a security system, 3. get the restraining order, 4. gather his stuff into a bag and put it on the front steps, 5. write the SHORT letter letting him know that he has been uninvited to your home, you've placed a restraining order out on him that includes a pic, and that if he shows up, so will the cops.
You may wonder why you have to do all this, and its because you didn't learn your lesson the first time. I feel badly for you that you're going through this b/c it would sicken me to leave the stresses of life for home and find that someone had stolen it from me - with my permission.
LW, if you are used to having leeches and bad "friends" in your life, you may also need to see a therapist to deal with YOUR issues. Your homeless ex is such a bad case that I've got to wonder what your mental state is. :|
Good luck!
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Totally agree with CUFF LINKS and TIMELAGGED...
[Read the article: I let a homeless man move in with me and now I can't get rid of him]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I hinted at it in my original post, but I have to say that LW has her own issues to deal with.
I picture her in a lonely and isolated world. Either its hard for her to make friends or she lives somewhere that doesn't give her a lot of options as far as emotional and social support.
Chick, if your best option is a drunk and homeless ex-boyfriend, then you soooo need to leave town! You need to get a therapist and a support group in a hurry. And I say that you need this, not for the crazy ex ('cause you're going to to get rid of that trash yourself, and pronto!). But b/c you clearly need help.
There's no shame in asking for help from a therapist or others. Find strong people and learn from them.