Letters to the Editor
Afro Goddess
Published Letters: 178 Editor's Choice: 22
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Bleach won't cut it...
[Read the article: My husband is groping my sister]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, of course you love your husband. And I'm sure he loves you. Him acting on sexual feelings for other women doesn't negate his love.
What is does show is a lack of respect for you. I don't base his lack of respect for you on the sans-sex trysts he had in the past. I base it on whatever drama is between him and your sister. No matter who started it and how drunk folks were, he and your sister committed acts that they kept secret from you.
I think women erroneously think in terms of love, when they need to think in terms of respect. Him loving you won't keep him from trying for interludes in the nude, but respecting you will. Respect is the litmus test for value, while love is a litmus for lifestyle committment. A dude will say he loves a woman which means that he's in it for the long haul. That doesn't always mean that he values her as anything beyond being the mother of his children and his lifestyle manager.
"Getting past his cheating" says to me, "Trying to delude myself into believing that it won't continue." Instead of trying to figure out how to get past his cheating, accept it for what it is. You don't have a non-cheating husband whose made a few missteps. You have a cheater for a husband.
Your relationship is never going to be clean. He's dirtied it up and bleach won't cut the grease he's left behind. You can either be the driver in the relationship and ignore that he's flirting with other chicks out the passenger's side window, or you can get out of the car and walk away.
He doesn't believe in the marriage enough to take the driver's seat. Doing some chores and rubbing your feet/back/whatever is some b.s. Chances are he's always disrespected you in small ways and you've always put up with it.
Don't waste our time trying to figure out how to stay with a cheating @sshole. Email us when you want to figure out how to start respecting yourself and how to leave his @ss.
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How to fix your boss...
[Read the article: My boss forwards fluffy kitten e-mails!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Idea 1: Everytime your boss sends you one of these emails, send it right back to him/her. She/he will get tired of getting the stupid email she/he just sent to you and stop sending them your way.
Idea 2: One day, when your boss is walking by start cursing at your monitor and when your boss asks what's wrong say, "I'm trying to find a way to block spam emails. I'm sick of getting all this stupid spam from everyone. Its one thing to get it every once in a while, but then I get them over and over from several different people. I'm sick of it!"
Idea 3: Do a combination of ideas 1 and 2 where you do idea 1 for a month or so, then institute idea 2.
Personally, I would just hit the delete key and not waste my time on any of it. And I wouldn't quit my job over it.
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Kickin' it to you ol' skool...
[Read the article: I'm in love with my bandmate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Back in the day, men chased after women. And when they didn't chase, we could make the logical assumption that he didn't want to catch or be caught by that particular gal.
Not that he was shy. Not that he was playing some sick mind game. Not that he was even oblivious.
Simply that he wasn't interested. The precursor to "He's just not into you," is the ol' skool logic that says "If he were interested he'd have asked you out (or tried to kiss you, or asked for sex) by now."
We women are so progressive that we think we know men's minds better than they do. If you want to throw yourself at him, then go right ahead. It doesn't sound like he won't take something that's offered freely. But chicky trust me when I write that he knows what he wants or doesn't want to do.
The real question isn't if he wants you. The question is how you're going to get what you want from him.
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Brightstar65 you should dump her...
[Read the article: I'm in love with my bandmate]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Brightstar, you a retro, in the bad way. The way guys shouldn't be ("make me seduce her").
In an honest assessment, do you think your Chinese friend is a virgin? More than likely she won't seduce you. Even more likely, she won't want you to seduce her.
Think retro. Think meeting the fam, drinking hot chocolate snuggled together in the middle of winter. Chick may be looking for a year of friendship before seduction occurs.
You can barely last for a few weeks, much less months. Truthfully, you're aren't considering dumping her to see what she does. You want to dump her b/c you can't see bumpin' uglies with her any time soon.
Clearly you are no player. If I were skoolin' a player-wannabe, I'd suggest that you say "friends" with her and get your nuk-nuk elsewhere. Then if you aren't otherwise engaged by another by the time she's ready to let you touch under the bra, you'll be there to reap the benefits.
Please dump her. The only thing worse than an @sshole is a good guy who acts like one.