The posters that are promoting this idea are wise. I've been through the infertility mill - injections, retrievals, implantations - the works. No go, and I had no success with my first husband about 14 years ago, either. My current husband and I will soon adopt overseas. That's the choice we made; it's a very personal choice. It's also an expensive choice, and so is domestic adoption, in some instances. If money is a problem - and that's what I intuit from your letter - please consider foster parenting. Perhaps that can provide you with the fulfillment you desire, and it would certainly benefit the child(ren).

I'm so sorry about your situation, and I wish you luck in whatever choices you and your husband make.

to you for taking proactive measures to meet someone - someone who shares your interests, presumably - rather than complain that there's no one out there. Yes, it does feel like people are judging you when they hear that you found your "other" on line, but screw them. Not everyone finds their soulmate at school, and work is not always the best of hunting grounds. So what are you going to do? Volunteer at a church? Join a gym? With online dating, it's understood that if there are no sparks on that initial coffee date, then you move on to the next. You don't have to worry about bumping into "Joe" on the communion line, or "Bob" on the cardio circuit, after some bad dates. And online dating, though it poses its risks, nevertheless allows you to search around for someone more suited to your needs and likes.

I met my husband on Match.com. Second marriage for me. Everyday I'm thankful that I answered his response to my ad. Life is great! Good luck to you!

Hi, LW -

I'm really sorry about your situation. In short, you must see a matrimonial lawyer (your husband doesn't have to know) to discuss your options, and you must not kick him out, and you must not leave the marital residence. You do not want to be sued for divorce on abandonment grounds.

It's time to start getting used to the idea that your marriage is over. Perhaps things will change, but it's best to brace yourself. I really hope that things turn out well for you, and I wish you the best.

Think about what you want to accomplish. If making sure your mom is financially set is your main concern, there's nothing wrong with inquiring into their retirement plans without revealing your father's secret. You are, after all, her child, and you should know some of their plans. And bear in mind those unintended consequences! You know the personalities of all involved (except for the other woman) better than anyone here, so you're obviously better-positioned to project the possible outcomes, and to decide if confrontation would prove beneficial.

Cary, you done good, and thank you, THANK YOU! for not printing yet another letter from an angst-ridden "writer" who is too self-involved to deal with the real world. Seriously. No, really. Thank you.

People who have real jobs and real responsibilities and are offered or earn really important opportunites as a result of their talents have anxieties, too. Deal with it just like you would anything else that requires one to rise to the occasion. Your situation isn't any different.

And you know, if the writing thing doesn't work out for you, consider applying your writing talents to something useful. Lawyers are full-time writers, and most write badly. You'd be a superstar appellate lawyer. Really, it's really not all that "establishment." You can teach kids how to read and write. Very useful. And of course, there's journalism. You get the idea.

Writers really need to understand that not everything they have to say warrants the time a stranger might take, or waste, to read it.

And having taken time from those who have just read my post, let me end with this: Cary, I don't resent the time it takes me to read your column. You do a nice job. But these "writer" letters are ridiculous. Take the not-so-subtle hints you're receiving today.

from Cary. In dealing with this situation, also consider your episode from the perspective of the other passengers. How would you feel if you had a tanked, drugged and hysterical seatmate? Or just a semi-comatose seatmate? Your "pre-flight" regimen was inconsiderate to other passengers. Certainly you were not the only person who suffered on that flight, and I'm positive you were not the only anxious flyer. Who likes to fly these days? What with 9/11 (I was 2 blocks away from the WTC on 9/11, and my first flight was a white-knuckler), oversized people in undersized seats, loud-talkers, the halitosis inflicted, the lean-all-the-way-backers? Ug.

Anyway, I digress. I hope you get the help you need.

My deepest condolences to the gay community. It seems that everytime you take one step forward, you're pushed ten steps back.

I suspect that many of the Prop. 8 supporters let their religion do the talking. How unchristian.

Abraham Lincoln went from: "Slavery is wrong - let's colonize the slaves because we all can't live together!" to: "Emancipation! Let's give black people the vote!" His transformation, in not too many years, was truly remarkable. I hope that Barack Obama, who clearly admires our greatest president, comes around.