Letters to the Editor
momof2
Published Letters: 59 Editor's Choice: 2
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@ deering
[Read the article: I want a baby so badly it scares me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"There are far too many people who get married and have kids without having any idea what that entails--or go into it thinking it's going to be one endless round of Kodak moments and BRIDE magazine shots. What's so wrong with people making sure what they want is what they are really up for before making such huge life decisions?"
Ok, so what would you like to do: mandate parenting testing to make sure these couples have thought everything through? you can make the same statement on the thousands of kids who go to college who have no idea what it entails, or the millions of pple who jump into relationships, jobs, the army etc. who have no idea what their decisions really entail.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking through big life decisions. That's exactly what the LW seems to be doing in her letter to Cary. She's not asking Cary for advice on what colors she should choose for her wedding or nursery. She's not asking if Cary likes the name Jayden spelled with or without a y better. She's contemplating her desire to have children, wondering where it comes from or if she's crazy and seems to be looking for ideas on how to pursue this idea.
Since it doesn't sound like she's pregnant at this very moment, it sounds like she has time to think things through. And it didn't sound like she was ready to march over to her now bfriend and give him the ultimatum "marry or else". If anything, she sounded pretty ambivalent about rocking the boat of what now seemed to be a pretty balanced life.
Would it be nice if every parent meditated deeply on the concept of childbearing before they conceived? I really don't know. Everyone keeps warning the LW "There are no guarantees, you could get a mentally/physically disabled child / obnoxious teenager/ horrific preschooler " etc. But, I hate to sound Forrest Gumpy, but that's pretty much life. No one knows what they're going to get with most things. But I can tell you from my own and my friends' childraising experiences that we are willing to take this chance on the unknown, despite the difficulties, messiness and sleepless nights. If you're not willing to give up a certain amount of control, then raising kids is definitely not for you, and it's lucky that many pple recognize this before they conceive.
As for dreams of Kodak experiences: even for the shallowest men and women who harbor these, it becomes abundantly clear from the first night home that parenting is not always dreamy. But again, like everything else in life, they learn from experience and they are usually rewarded along the way, which makes their efforts worthwhile- the first smile, the first hug, the first 2 hour nap. And thankfully, for most women, bonding hormones like oxytocin kick in to smooth the process along.
Your letters seem to emphasize how many things can go wrong. No on is denying all of the possible horrific outcomes. What you seem to not understand is that most (certainly not all) parents are willing to take the chance, whether they consciously accept it or not.
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This article cracked me up
[Read the article: What is your literary deal breaker?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Seriously, if women are wondering why it's so hard to find a good man- this idiocy of rejecting men for their literary taste is a huge reason why.
I love Alice Munro, Grace Paley, Raymond Carver- 20th century short stories. My husband is a science fiction and history freak. Who the hell cares? If I feel the need to discuss books, I join a book club. Literary taste is not going to get you far when you need to pay the bills, divide up childcare and household duties and whether he's really good at satisfying you bed.
I keep trying to explain this concept to my hyper intellectual single friends, but to no avail. :(
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@annony
[Read the article: Marching into the mommy wars]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]What's so fulfilling about work? I've been at home with my daughter full time (while caring for my neighbor's baby simultaneously, so I don't know if that's considered pure SAHMing.) I now work from home part time while my daughters are in preschool, my older one till 4 pm. I edit online financial content.
For me, it's fulfilling to use my mind in a focused way on an adult topic. My work is sometimes boring, I don't love it everyday. But what I really love is a)making enough money to pay our mortgage and then some. b) keeping my hand in the professional world, my resume up to date, so that if and when I do want to go back full time, I don't feel "vulnerable" as described in the interview and I don't have a 10 year hole in my resume. I like knowing that if Gd forbid anything happened to my husband, I can easily ramp up and fully support my children. I feel prepared, in control and in control.
Also, I would go crazy just being with my kids all day. I love being with my kids, being available for them. But I also like having the time apart, then picking them up and going to the park or museum for a few hours before dinner and bed time.
I'm very lucky because I do have the best of both worlds. But I just wanted to voice some of the reasons why work would be so fulfilling.
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It's over-reactions like these
[Read the article: Buckle up those fetuses!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]that turn men and women off from feminism.
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re: the wax isn't hot enough to hurt from the heat, you are full of shit
[Read the article: Today's moral outrage: Bikini waxes for 8-year-olds]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You're being a dick (sorry, couldn't help it)
I've been left red and bleeding from overheated wax. You're the one full of shit. Do you think every waxer heats her wax to the exact same temp? Do you think they test it before they wax? Some are better than others. Sometimes it is overheated and then you're fucked.
But of course, you're the expert.