Letters to the Editor
Christopher1988
Published Letters: 567 Editor's Choice: 40
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Full disclosure: I stopped reading Cary's answer after the first paragraph.
[Read the article: I'm a new university student. How do I make friends?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It was too silly, too "clever."
You are very lucky in having a great insight to your past and your personality: raised by parents who are not socially adept, you feel you lack the skills, or the example, that would help you to do better. This in itself will probably help you a lot, as you will be likely to consider what are other ways of interacting, rather than just accepting your parents' model. I'd suggest watching some of the people who seem to socialize easily, and maybe even asking one or two of the "how do you talk to people like that?" Obviously, if this is the head of a fraternity or some huge football star, he'll laugh in your face (as will any Homecoming Queen) or politely freeze you out. So don't go up to that kind of person. But some friendly guy or girl, some fellow freshman or a returning sophomore, will likely be willing to give you a few pointers.
An important piece of information is missing here: do you live in a dorm? I made friends very easily my first year in college. We had not only three guys in each room, we had suitemates: a common bathroom united every two dorm rooms. So instantly we were a group, and the first night there was an illegal beer bash on the quad where we met a group of female roommates from that side of the dorm, thus expanding our social circle even further. We met others on our own through classes or the caffeteria or whatever, but it was easier to take that step knowing we had a circle to return to and take comfort in.
Another question: do you have a major? I declared a major from the first (though I changed it after two years), so I was instantly around another group of people who had the same interests I did. Granted, my major was Theater, so we're talking very demonstrative, very outgoing people. Still, even if your major was Advanced Calculous or Isolated Business Ownership, I still think by entering classes where people had the same interests, you're likely to connect with some people.
Now, let me also say that when I left my first university and got stuck in my home city, everything changed. I didn't live in the dorms, I lived at home. Connecting to people was a lot harder. Fortunately, I was in the honors English classes, and we were always invited to the English department to hang out (our department was located in a house, so it was a much more social/informal place than some administrative building). But overall, meeting people socially was tougher. Contrary to the experience of others here, the fact that it was a small school counted against me. Fewer chances to meet people with my interests, a much more conservative crowd.
I encourage you to find groups that connect with your interests. Anything. The math club, chess club, student council, maybe there's an improv group (this is better for many that the drama department, because there isn't the same cliquish feel, and a lot of people there will be an inexperienced as you...and a lot more eager to help you fit in), the school paper. Funny as it might sound, the library was a great place for me. I went to a school with a renowned philosophy department, and the graduate philosophy students had their own study room there. They would hang out by the front desk, and so would undergrads interested in these or similar issues; it was a great place to talk and socialize for a particular kind of person.
Finally, remember that everyone is lonely their first year. Most are away from home for the first time. And they are finding that the truisms of high school social life no longer apply (how sweet that is when you weren't BMOC!). I think this is a great time in your life, and one in which you may find yourself more capabable of developing a better social life than was available in high school. Take advantage of it! And good luck.
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Why is the important info missing?
[Read the article: I let my friends stay with me and now they're evicting me!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]This happens again and again in advice columns. I wish I could give advice to people planning to send letters asking for advice.
What needs to be known is the legal situation. Do you own the lease, or is it in both you and your roommate's name? If it is in your name, there is no case. They are guests, and they go.
When is your lease up? If you leave, will they still require you will you still be legally required to pay rent for a given amount of time? If so, don't leave. They can't both insist you pay for your share and deprive you of the benefits (well, yes, they can say this, but legally they have no control).
But there is another issue. Should you win out, and should you have the place to yourself, you will once more have an apartment on your hands that you can't afford.
Stay as long as you are paying, or required to pay. Then leave. Who cares that they are taking horrible advantage of you? You can't afford the place, and that's the bottom line.
And drop the "no good deed goes unpunished." A terrible way to look at life. Maybe having that in your subconcious was what choose you to pick these backstabbing people (one at a time) to live with you in the first place.
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A superb column.
[Read the article: Toronto Film Festival]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thanks.