The sad fact is that people consider "cooking"—scrambling eggs, making meatloaf—women's work because it is done primarily to satisfy the man (remember the old "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"?), while they consider being a "chef"—making elaborate meals that create complex taste effects through a grasp of technique such as to become an art—as a man's job. It's bullshit, totally, in both cases. But there it is.

I don't advocate gender roles, but I notice them, and my basic attitude in response is a middle-of-the-road "let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater." I love your story about your daughter. I think you handled the situation with the preschool perfectly, and really dig your approach to parenting. (No surprise to me your kid grew up to be successful.)

Half the people own iPods or (like me) old cd Walkmans. Taste is so different that there is no way a gym can cater to everyone. My guess is that they play the kind of music they play because the hardcore regulars like it. The big guys and buff gals who do tons of lifting and talk regularly with the staff. I doubt the opinion of anyone else matters to them.

Personally, I listen to opera, and I listen to a lot of cast albums. I particularly like the latter because more recent shows tend to have 7-10 minute opening numbers which are very up tempo, and that pushes me at the start. Usually a couple of "up" numbers of shorter duration follow, after which comes a ballad. That fits my own energy cycle perfectly. But what are the chances that anyone else there at a given time has the same taste? Or the same pattern?

It makes the most sense for people to bring their own music to suit their own needs.

The problem is that nobody has come up with a comparable male behavior. Cock not happy? With a droopy cartoon rooster? Even if you consider kitty to be a euphemism for cunt, it's far too mild to compare the two. Pussy, yes. But not kitty. As the responses here have shown, kitty is not universal.

Actually, I suggested a shirt saying "John Thomas Not Happy" with a cartoon of two frowning presidents, Adams and Jefferson, but obviously I'm making that up and you're right that there aren't exact dress comparisons that can be made.

Which further reinforces the gender dicrepancy in my mind, as there is quite a lot of clothing made that encourages women to parade their sexuality and to make a playful come on (that can be thought of in the woman's mind as "just playing" or a real come on, depending on which guy takes her up on it) while men are generally given clothing that is bland or aggressive. Again, the assumption is that the woman's feelings must be protected and appeased. She can toy with sex at work, he can't. She is given a spectrum of sexy behavior, he can either be a monk or a menace. It strikes me as essentially unfair, and yes I get that life ain't fair.

Even the issue of "Is this the policy? If not, it's his issue" plays into the problem. Because this callous response ("toughen up") would never be taken with a female co-worker. And if a female co-worker considers something inappropriate, even if there is no official rule against a given behavior or clothing choice, her discomfort will be addressed and probably the male doing the offending in word or deed will get a talking to.

All of which comes down to what I think is the real issue. Men are expected to like it or lump it, whether it is a question of their actions or how they are acted upon, while women are given a pass. And allowed to make or deny one, as they see fit. It's a pendulum swing from the bad old days when it was a man's world and the little ladies just had to deal with it.

I don't want the bad old days back, but I'd like to see equal treatment that is truly equal.

What can I say? I think that cooking is considerd women's work is pretty much varified by your examples. That chefs are men is a pretty common cultural belief (and, as I understand it, women had trouble breaking into the field). I don't think it's really Bad Ole Patriarchy Trying to Surpress, and I don't really think I defined it as such. I don't agree with that outlook, but it exists. I don't understand at all the intensity of your response.

I've never given it a moment's thought, but sure, why not?

But I'm really talking about equality in the workplace, not about what people can/can't wear/do during their leisure time. Obviously both men and women wear shirts with double entendres for fun all the time. I don't think we're complaining about that, are we? We're talking about behavior in the workplace, and whether wome should be treated differently or not. I say not, but I also say respect your co-workers when you choose your outfit.