I've been exactly where you are. Abusive boss who treated myself and other employees as cogs at best. While not a drug user, he did suffer from moments of rage that seemed all-consuming and yet could be charming when it suited his purposes. Sound like anyone you know?

And I stayed there for years, watching the revolving door of people who joined the firm and then quit two years later (the office joke is that new employees came with expiration dates). I stayed in part because I thought the work was more interesting than it might be in a similar position somewhere else. But mostly because, as miserable as I might be some days, it seemed easier to just bear it than give up the comfort of the known.

Then in January of this year, something happened. I can't tell you what it was, only that I suddenly wasn't interested in supporting my boss's habit (in this case of intimidation and control). I sent out some letters, took a couple interviews and ended up taking a job in another state that was closer to my family. The work is significantly different than what I was doing before which is scary and the corporate culture is a bit dull compared to the free-wheeling atmosphere of my last job. But I'm happier. I have much better benefits, including a real insurance plan (a great source of comfort). I arrive and leave work without any feelings of anxiety, and as much as I miss some of my co-workers (something you won't experience) I am learning to like my new colleagues.

Change is hard for some people. It took three weeks before I could send my first cover letter. But once I did I felt a sense of progress, as I'm sure you did. It seems daunting, but you absolutely need to shoulder up and start the process over again. If you need a reason, do it for your fiancee. Each night he is wrestling with this feeling of helplessness when you come home each night complaining about this vile woman. Do it to show this horrible woman she shouldn't screw people over - you don't owe it but give two weeks notice to either watch her dawning realization of how important you are or realize from her lack of a reaction how little she valued you. Either way will give you some measure of satisfaction. But mostly do it for yourself -- don't let this woman break the independent spirit you obviously have.

Best of luck.

I have been where you are, LW. There were years between dates and while some went beyond the third most of the time they ended after the first. Dating is such a personal thing but if I was to offer some advice to a friend who came to me with this situation:

1) Enjoy each date on its own. It is possible you are so focused on the "prize" of the fourth date that your intended feels pressured and put-off. By your third date you should be relaxed and conversational, as the excuse of "first date" jitters is over.

2) Be yourself. Don't say or do things that you think will get you to the "goal". Women are very very smart about when someone is being a phoney (I'm watching an 8-year old girl hone her skills now).

3) In particular, don't be too nice. I'm not going to get into a whole "women don't really want nice guys, no matter what they say" rant. But it has been my experience that by teasing a bit or being a bit aloof you let the woman know that you aren't desperate, that you have options.

4) Join a sport, take a class, anything where you interact with members of both sexes.

5) Manage your expectations. This one is so critical for so many things in life but particularly here. So your friends are getting married, having kids. Good for them. Your life is going a little different and that's ok. Travel now, save some money... enjoy the freedom. Maybe you won't get married - that's ok, too. Once you have that attitude, I think you will find many woman find it attractive.

6) Consider therapy. I know, I know, that seems to be the answer for everything. But awhile back I got tired of not being able to have a long term relationship with any woman and I went to talk to a therapist. It helped, as he was able to point out the ways I sent the message that I was needed, to notice for me when I seemed too anxious about what my dates thought about me. I sincerely believe that my time with him is what got me to the point where I just got engaged to a wonderful woman.

Good luck, my friend.

Cary, most of the time I agree with you but this time you seem to have left the reservation. Any guy who received this line of intense questioning from someone they just met would just walk away, unless, of course, they thought it might lead to sex.

LW, I agree with others that most of the time when a guy asks for contact information in the back of his mind he wonders "Will this lead to sex?". But it is understood by most civilized men that asking to spend time with someone does not equate to a night of passion. Anyone who gets angry because they felt you led them on with someothing as vague "Do you want to hang out?", well, they are just trying to guilt you into it and you should walk away with a clean conscious.

I like an earlier responders suggestion to reply "That would be great; I'm trying to make new friends." It is friendly, positive, and sets the right expectations (my personal philosophy is that anger is the result of frustrated expectations). I think Cary was looking to steer you in this direction, but no man or woman wants to be interogated by someone they just met.

Good luck.