Having worked for an independent geriatric care management agency (not as a care manager - those are highly trained professionals - I was just a worker guy) for a few years, i have seen a number of different situations with varying degrees of relevance to this situation play themselves out.

Often times some rebellion was a rallying cry for the person to continue to live and learn - even if they were completely incompetent or just flat out crazy. One client, sensing that she was about to be removed from her home, put epoxy glue into all of the keyholes so that her home could not be entered from the outside. (She generally did not like to have vistors, anyways, because she was worried that they would have an adverse reaction to the Cobalt Bombs in her basement.)

The LW seems to be struggling with her own feelings of inadequacy and guilt regarding lying to her father - but she indicates that he received the "best care possible" for those years he was in a home. My experience with institutions with the clients that we had was that an institution was only as good as its management, but that some institutions had wonderful management. There is a long standing stigma to care homes that is certainly not undeserved, but needs to be appreciated as a source of skepticism, not dismissal. What i mean by this is that people should approach the idea of putting an aging or infirm person in a facility with a healthy skepticism of claims of wonderfulness on that part of the facility, but not with a feeling of despair or helplessness. Good, caring, and pleasant facilities exist, and are, if not the norm, at least not as rare or impossible to find as it might seem from the common perception of the industry. It seems that the LW's father was in such a place, and that the only problem with his life those last couple of years was that he thought he would beceom independent again.

If the father was in fact incompetent to the point where his wife was deemed responsible for making decisions for him, than this is probably for the best anyways. Reluctant or vindictive caregivers created some truly horrific situations to which I was a witness.

I have made mention of this distinction before, but I think it bears another mention here. There is a significant difference between signing a Power of Attorney document and being judged incompetent to make decisions for yourself. I am 39 years old and in relatively good health, and while "sound of mind" might be a stretch, I am not in danger of losing my independence any time soon. I could sign power of attorney today to a friend or loved one, giving them rights to whatever the POA document specified. These are extremely common scenarios, perhaps involving large financial transactions (purchase of homes or businesses), or other more personal matters (arrangements between spouses or family members). Giving my spouse the right to sign a piece of paper does not mean that I have forgone my rights to act on my own behalf. Indeed, in many cases, if someone to whom I have delegated power of attorney acts in a way clearly contrary to my interests this might void or invalidate that document.

In order for the mother, in the LW circumstance, to have been granted the power to involuntarily sign her husband into an institution, there needed to be some sort of determination that he was not capable of making these decisions for himself. The mother may have been appointed Conservator or Guardian, or some more informal title or rights based on prior arrangements might have been in place. But it is not often (I am not saying that it never happens) that a person capable of caring for themselves, or possessed of sufficient financial and mental resources to arrange for that care, is held in an institution involuntarily.

There are no easy answers to these situations - I couldn't even finish Cary's answer to tell you the truth - but I respect the LW's feelings for caring enough to ask the question.

Also, to the person who posted upthread about her parents stealing her grandmother's money - I would absolutely make an anonymous call to Adult Protective Services or your local Sherriff's office. While certainly bound to stir up a world of shit in your family - that behavior on the part of your parents is utterly despicable.

Will AT&T have to report this particular party as a line item on any financial disclosure forms anywhere?

Can we discover how much it cost them to not reveal who they were throwing a party for?

Just curious.

It takes a lot for Senators from both parties to so openly and explicitly say they don't believe the FBI's definitive accusations in such a high-profile case.

I realize that this is shamelessly idealistic of me, but why should it "...take a lot..." for Senators to openly and explicitly say "Not good enough" to a government agency over which they have not only the right, but the mandated obligation, to exercise oversight?

Isn't that how Truman earned his reputation?

Please, please, please - someone in the entire US Congress demonstrate some integrity, some character. I still have some faith in you, Sen Leahy. I am hoping, begging, pleading that I am wrong about you, Sen. Specter, and that this time you won't let us down. I don't want to score points, I want the institutions that are supposed to protect me to do their damn jobs. That means you, that means the FBI, the DHS, the GAO.

Not to be too overly dramatic about it, but in the words of Alan Moore:

An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.