Did I miss it? I read carefully twice and saw a long list of sufferers, but no answer. What is the Answer? All of you other LWs that thought it was brilliant-- please shine the light for us more literal ones.

Great Answer, Cary. I don't usually like your answers but you are spot on!!! Great job, really great job.

LW: I have to agree with all the control freak comments. He must have felt safe with you when you had cancer and in a weakened condition. He felt powerful and is furious that you are no longer so needy and dependent. How dare you recover and become a powerful person! You could actually leave him!! Please, you've had a terrible cancer, you deserve a fantastic life and a peaceful home. Make his worst fear come true-- get away from him and live for yourself.

This child needs a fulltime nanny-- since dad is about to begin the practice of law. That isn't you, you don't want the job, you aren't equipped for the job, and I already feel sorry for this high-need child. Please decline for the sake of his child. And shame on him for not providing the real care that this child will need. Is the attraction that he will be supporting you? That will cost you a lot, and will cost his child as well. Don't move in and out of a child's life-- it will affect his ability to trust and become attached forever. He's already lost his mother, please don't do this to him again. I think we all vote NO with Cary.

LW,

I think you should have told your father the truth. But the fact of the matter is, you were powerless over what your mother did and she apparently had the legal right to make those decisions. So, you could not have changed the outcome and you need to forgive yourself for that. Their marriage sounds complicated; please realize that he was a part of that making and did make some choices along the way that likely contributed to its outcome. But use this experience to grow and in that way, honor your father. Specifically, learn to find your voice and speak up-- worry less about being liked or easy to get along with and more about being truthful and honorable, even if yours is the lone voice.

And Cary, I find your response distasteful and unhelpful.

Your recent post states: "paying us back" was my husband's idea. "paying us back over time" was my parent's idea, as they could not at once. that they shouldn't be paying us back at ALL - this is the main point of contention between me and my husband. I DON'T WANT THEM TO. he does.

I think I speak for everyone on this board when I say therein lies the problem. As defensive as you feel about him now that he's under attack, his demand that your parents "pay you back" for YOUR wedding, is outrageous. Your buying into this notion AT ALL even just to have to defend your parents' putative poor financial decisions in the past, any attempt to "explain" their inability to pay you back, etc. is your contribution to the problem. Your parents financial decisions don't need defending-- they're not even his concern, in other words: None of His Business. Take a stand and tell him to leave your parents out of it and refuse to be bullied.

LW: It is YOU that he is at mad at/doesn't like. He's just using your parents as scapegoats, because that's easier than confronting you directly or confronting his feelings about you directly. He may have good reason, hard to tell what the real circumstances are. If you were already in tremendous debt, why have an expensive wedding? I concur with everyone else here, your 70 year old parents should not be paying you back, that's criminal. And you do seem to be blaming them for your debt, as well. Why don't you stand up to your husband and tell him that YOUR debt is YOUR fault/problem, not your parents' and to leave them out of it?

I think your teenager is rebelling. You should ground him.

THEY have invited you out of their lives. Stay out. You don't seem so concerned with their wellbeing, as injecting yourself, unwelcome, back into their lives. Stay out. It has been a few years since these two have wanted you around. Go and get some other friends. You sound like you're jealous because you wanted this man to be gay, just like you. You sound conflicted about your orientation and want him as a compatriot. Possibly he really is gay, even probably-- if your information about his gay affair is true-- but it's not your business. Stay out. Go and get a life and let these two be. Stay out. Cary's advice is horrible, the wife already knows her husband is gay at some level, or she wouldn't have been asking. She doesn't want or need your information, or she would have further pursued it. Go ahead and write your letter, if you must seek your revenge, but do not expect anything more than a restraining order in response. Stay out, stay out, stay out.

LW, Back off!! Men still like to do the pursuing, generally. I'm glad he declined your invitations, you would have felt even worse now, had he not. You would feel used and discarded. The fact that you're trying to "figure him out" tells me: 1) you are still trying to control the situation and 2)you just can't take a hint. It doesn't matter WHY he wasn't interested, he just wasn't, okay? Don't waste your precious time on this, find someone that IS interested.