If the country is sooooo small and exotic and the field so narrow that she would be recognized if she named the country...I mean, jeez, what are we talking about? Bhutan? Tuvalu? Zanzibar?

It sounds like this lady was a big fish in a small pond, what with the narrow speciality and all. And now she has to adjust to the opposite being the case.

We can't all be special our whole lives, dear. Learning to accept that gracefully is part of growing up. If you get panic attacks whenever you're not feeling special, get some help for your small-very-exotic-country sized ego.

You've been travelling, enjoyed a great opportunity, had some great times, written a book in you spare time. Now it's time to pay the bill for all that. Pick one of these jobs from among the second tier offers (I assume none of them are mere receptionist jobs) and start working. And grow up. People who have never been to college, let alone graduate school abroad, would love to have your "problem".

fetboy got it.

it's a matter of who did the action.

the "whiskey dick" thing is another reason why the "Booze Haze" scenario doesn't really work--the girl may be passed out, but the man, in order to have sex with her, needs to be not drunk or anyway not nearly as far gone as she is. Meaning: one person is in command of their faculties and the other is not. This changes how the situation looks a little bit, does it not?

Yeah, that's kind of what I thought too.

It's terrible, esp. since once such girls become adults, abusers can usually spot them and then they end up in relationships with abusers.

They have to make a choice to stop the cycle. I believe it must be hard for them. As a child the decision to be passive may have kept them alive, was their survival tactic.

But it certainly doesn't serve them well throughout life.

That is the logical end of the whole evolutionary psychology argument, which is why it is so disturbing.

Your "philosopher" was absolutely right as per the amoral world view of evolutionary sociology/psychology.

As a blonde, busty, stereotypically attractive woman, I have been victimized successfully and unsuccessfully by men who felt it was imperative to get me sexually at any cost. According to this argument, these men are only responding to deeply ingrained instincts and can be excused for their abuse.

What I feel can be flushed down the toilet; in evolutionary terms I am only a receptor. I exist only to make 16 children by different assorted bastards (like a relative of mine did), and the more the men get children this way the more "successful" they are.

When in reality such men are life's losers on just about every level imaginable. Why is this never addressed?

The evo-psych approach makes me, and the man too by the way, a LOT less of a person, less than a human being, if you take this view.

That is why we have to adopt a better standard, and move the discussion out of this stupid shithole.

There's more to life than men's need for sex.

I too would like to know how Brightstar's world would look if he could make the laws. Well, "like to know" is probably not the right phrase. I shudder to think.

I can't believe how many people have said this, so I'll say to all of you collectively:

NOBODY has said that "morning after regrets" are the same thing as rape. NOBODY.

You are putting words in our mouths because you have NO real argument.

It is possible for a woman who was drugged or passed out to "come to" in the morning and realize she was raped. That is NOT the same thing as regretting. It is called regaining consciousness.

Do you really not know the difference? Do you really think women don't know the difference?

Really seriously?

The help and knowledge of my mother in law and an elderly neighbor (84 yrs. and helped launch three generations) was invaluable to getting me through the first year of having a new baby, since I did not grow up in a home with babies and knew nothing.

Not all elderly women want to participate in child care nor are they automatically good at it, that is true. But those who do are an invaluable resource to the community of yourng mothers.

And where are they? Cooped up in nursing homes cradling dolls and giving names to their plants. it seems like a waste to me!

Those who are physically and mentally well and who like babies should find a way to get together with the author. I don't want to dump on her because I've been through my own baby panic. But seriously, where are her people? Doesn't she know anybody who can help her? Does she make friends only with people her age? Doesn't she have any relatives?

The elderly may not be physically strong enough to actually take care of a baby alone, but many have good ideas and some seem to be able to quiet newborns almost magically. And they would love the opportunity if only anyone would ask them.

Find a granny for the kid, lady. I mean it. Unless you're one of those awful people who thinks old people are icky.