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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
TinaS1
Published Letters: 780 Editor's Choice: 21
Brightstar, taking female hormones may well have lowered your sex drive, but it did not turn you into a woman, nor does a man taking female hormones experience what it is like to be a woman.
Many women have a high, healthy sex drive. There are plenty of guys getting it four times a day from girlfriends who are perfectly thrilled with that (ah, those were the days....*ahem* where were we? oh yes)
Women are not "sexually inert", no way. Given the experiences some of them have been through, it's not surprising that some, even many, are sexually numb, however. I think way too many women have been traumatized into sexual numbness, but I would never say that not wanting to have sex for decades is normal for a woman.
Anon's story of the circling vultures at the party is a case in point. Guys should not think such behavior is normal.
Also I cannot count the times I have been bullied by men who want me to drink. I don't drink, but they sure would like me to. I know if a guy wants me to drink, he's a predator. And way too many guys are predators in this way.
If guys wouldn't hurt, trick, frighten, and traumatize women, women would surely be chasing them for sex. I can't see why men don't understand this. It's like killing the goose that laid the golden egg. All the women I know can trace their present enthusiasm for sex or lack of it back to their early experiences as teenagers and whether those experiences were joyful, loving, and fun or scary/painful/humiliating as hell.
You make your own situation bad for yourselves, guys. Happy women who have experienced sex positively love sex. Women who have been abused and mistreated by men hate it. So treat the ladies with respect and you'll be getting plenty.
We've been having that discussion about that op-ed on another thread for two days now and you know it, or would if you cared to look...
why don't you go join Brightstar and Amerigo in dumping your woman-hatred on the appropriate thread? At least have the honesty to join the right discussion.
Or would a real exchange make your head explode?
your tone has mitigated somewhat, but I still sense the moral contempt.
Oh, that living on campus, being umarried, and prior victimization. Those sluts! What were they thinking by living independently and not getting married? And clearly, if you've been assaulted before and not learned your lesson, you're not vulnerable, but just dumb, and "can't grow up" (how many times have I heard that here?)
And of course the drinking, the drinking, always the drinking, can't have a good excuse for date rape without the drinking, can we?
I think you are still in the grip of the old school mentality you describe. If there's a hook up culture and you want to deplore it, go ahead. I personally deplore it also. I think it's sad, icky, and it doesn't really look like very much fun.
But don't show your moral contempt by saying that getting raped should be a collateral hazard of participating in that culture. NO, it shouldn't be; even promiscuous girls who drink don't deserve to be raped.
And we can go round and round about it for 400 posts and you will still be wrong if you say they had it coming.
I can well believe that 8 out of every 10 women experience some kind of sexual violence at some point in their lives.
(In fact, I'd like to meet the 2 out of 10 who have totally escaped it. I can think of only a couple of women and they were both married in their teens, remain married to the same man, and had no dating life--not a realistic model for most of us)
If the studies prove anything, women experience this violence overwhelmingly when they are young and a majority of the time when they are in their teens. In other words, when their attitudes about sex are being formed.
And men have to wonder why women seem to be usually ambivalent about sex at best and often totally hate it or find it psychologically and physically painful at worst.
That's why, boys.
wow, how totally weird.
It sounds like she didn't know what she wanted, or was so plagued by guilt that she didn't give herself permission to know what she wanted, or wanted to hear something from you and was playing head games about it.
In any case, whatever her age, she was not being mature enough to have sex.
You did the right thing, both by not having sex with her and by not starting a relationship with her (you didn't really say you dumped her, but if you did...good for you).
When she gets her shit together, then she should start looking for somebody and then have sex with him. Until then, she shouldn't be sleeping with anyone.
If you HAD had sex with her while she was in that state of mind, I can't imagine what the follwing morning or the ensuing relationship or attempt to tell her that there was no relationship would have been like. Ugh! Not good for you or for her.
Overall, you did the right thing. Asked for verbal confirmation, got weirded out by a psycho response and then STOPPED.
She'll go home, think it over, and realize, well, THAT didn't work very well...and maybe know what she wants the next time.
Women who are guilt ridden by their own sexuality are creepy. You can take advantage of their inexperience and confusion and get laid with them, but the fallout is nasty. Better for both parties to avoid this. Her psychological health and yours will both be the better for it.
all I can read is "Dew More Belief" or possibly "Condensation More Faith".
The rest I don't recognize, and am assuming it's some similar gibberish.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
Salon headlines in your mailbox
