Letters to the Editor
rocket999
Published Letters: 139 Editor's Choice: 11
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if he is a decent man...
[Read the article: My husband of 12 years suddenly says he never loved me]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]he will stay with you a while longer. You have a very young baby, who deserves the quality of care that only two parents can provide. Neither you nor he should make any life-altering decisions while you are both sleep-deprived, hormonally unbalanced, and in the thrall of an infant. Lister (pg 2) and MLaura (pg 6) both gave very good advice- ask for 6 months or a year. At the end of that time, he may decide to stay, he may decide to go. Either way, you have given yourself, your baby, and your relationship some breathing room.
I suspect that he is a decent man, who is going through very difficult time. Likely he is depressed, and simply not able to deal with life. That's why he can't answer your questions-all he knows is that he's unhappy, and he really doesn't know why. However, if he is depressed he is also unlikely to act decisively, so you may need to act for him- give him firm deadlines, set up therapy appointments, etc.
Do as other posters have suggested, and draw your closest friends and relatives around you. You need support. Do you have a cleaning service? Having someone come in twice a month would remove at least that part of your worries. Ask your doctor about therapy and couples counselling, if you haven't already.
It wouldn't hurt to contact a lawyer, but you don't have to look at it as the start of the divorce process. It's just a simple, obvious measure to protect yourself.
Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry that you're going through this.
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one of them is going to win the nomination
[Read the article: Breaking the Democratic deadlock]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]and when that person does, I will do everything in my power to support them, by donating, making phone calls, even travelling to a swing state if necessary.
Because we have two excellent candidates, and we cannot have another 4 years of Republican rule.
I hope everyone here will do the same, whoever you are supporting.
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@CrunchyFrog
[Read the article: Breaking the Democratic deadlock]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Do not feed the trolls....
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seconded, thirded, and put to a vote..
[Read the article: Could this week get worse for mothers?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]this was a terrible Braoadsheet post, insulting to so many groups in oh-so-many ways.
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some people are just happy
[Read the article: I'm really a self-actualized being, but my family is all messed up]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I know it seems a bit strange to most of us, what with our tumultuous emotions and swings from happy to sad, but at least some people in the world are basically optimistic and happy almost all the time. I didn't really believe it until I met someone like this. Perhaps the author is another.
It's not that he doesn't feel anything, or is "looking at the family through a glass," or anything negative like that, it's just that he actually lives that cheesy advice on that ubiquitous poster: "change the things you can, accept the things you can't."
LW, if that's you, more power to you. You make life better for the people around you. If it's all a front, as many of the commenters are claiming, then you need to deal with it. But I believe you may actually just be..happy. Enjoy it- you are very lucky.
For those of you that don't believe this is possible, think about it this way. If neurochemical imbalances can make some people perpetually depressed, then they can also make some people just plain happy.
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longevity of CFL's and incandescents
[Read the article: Ask Pablo]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Steev-o, I've had the same experience as you. A few light fixtures in my house just don't seem to be able to handle CFL's- they burn out in 6 months to a year, and have to be replaced. But then, these same fixtures tend to burn out incandescents as well. And then there is my bedside lamp- one incandescent bulb for 4+ years.
So I don't really buy the longevity thing. I think under normal use (lots of on and off), the light fixture is much more important than the type bulb.
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You have solved the mystery!
[Read the article: Ask Pablo]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]JugSouthgate:
Now that you've said it, it's obvious that heat will affect bulb life. The light fixture that wears out quickly is in a small box-like space covered by a thick piece of glass, so it must get hot in there- no wonder the bulb burns out so often. I will try switching the glass.
I have a dimmer switch hooked up to my bedside lamp, which means that the bulb receives lower voltage, and thus lasts longer.
Now if only I knew why the lightbuln in my kitchen light seems to burn out so often- it's in a well-ventilated location and not on a dimmer, though we do turn it on and off five or six times a day. Is that considered "frequent"? Should I use an incandescent? The electrical system of the (rental) house is definitely a bit shady, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's not receiving consistent voltage.
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friendship is a fickle thing
[Read the article: I don't want to go to my college friend's wedding]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think you should go to the wedding. Not just to see the friends who is getting married, but to reconnect with your entire group of former buddies. They will all be there, and as an introvert, this is a great opportunity to show your face to all of them at the same time. Just as you have grown up, so have your "drinking buddies." You might genuinely like the people they have become.
Friends, even as they drift into mere acquaintance-hood, are important. Right now in your life you are happy and fulfilled. You are newly married, starting a career, maybe even thinking about kids. You are happy and busy. But in a few years you might be divorced, laid-off, dealing with a difficult child, or just having a rough time. That's when you will need friends. And if you don't continue to cultivate these relationships now, you won't have them when you need them.
It's an interesting thing- as you get older it remains easy to make acquaintances, but very hard to make friends. It's even harder to reconnect with old friends who have. Hold on to the ones you have, and maintain those acquaintanceships, even if they don't always seem that important.