People like you who reflexively defend hurtful, selfish, inconsiderate b*tches like the LW always use the same tired old reasoning:

"Everyone's made mistakes."

"We're only human"

"Gee...I'm sure they did not MEAN to devastate that other person's life!"

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Yes, we are all human - and we've all made mistakes.

But what's at issue here is not that the LW exercised poor judgement. It's that she has no remorse or guilt over her actions.

Once she found out that he was married, if she was a decent human being (i.e. if she abided by the Golden Rule), she would have dumped him.

She did not.

She made AN ACTIVE CHOICE to continue her behavior - using denial, rationalization or whatever other justification technique - even though she DAMN WELL KNEW she would be bringing pain and suffering to his wife's life.

Ever been cheated on, geekgrrl? I sure have.

And if you actually, truly, deeply love the person who betrays you, it hurts like fuckin' hell.

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So the LW is not an evil scumbag. But she choose to treat someone else - who was innocent and never harmed her - like shit, just to get her rocks off with her man.

She is by no means a good person. Hopefully, therapy will help her turn over a new leaf.

And hey. there's always karma...if she does not change, here's hoping she ends up in the wife's shoes one day. Then she would learn a lesson about poor judgement for sure.

Your wino husband drowns his self-loathing with booze.

He cannot love you and he cannot accept your love - no matter how sincere it is.

And - here's the brutal reality part - there is nothing you can do to change this...or him.

Only HE can change himself; but, he is an addict - and in all likelihood will remain addicted til he dies an early death.

Moreover, his alcoholism will eventually drag you down with him if you choose to stay.

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As difficult as this is, dear LW, there is only one sensible option for you in this tragic situation: Self Preservation.

You have to ditch him. Now. And then take care of yourself.

Logically, you know this is right. Emotionally, you may feel a lot of guilt and sadness.

His alcoholism is not your fault. And you cannot save him.

There are many men out there who have come through trauma - but have been able to get/keep their psyche and lives together.

They deserve the love you can give - not your husband.

Let him go - for your sake, for your life.

I have spent well over half my life (most of adolesence, all of adulthood) living in the Midwest...primarily Minneapolis, MN and Sioux Falls, SD.

And yes, I am indeed a cheesehead - although my old, comfy Favre GB shirt would probably now get me ridiculed by fans of other teams! Ah well...

I just want to re-iterate one more time to anyone reading my posts: I do know / realize that there are a few decent folk in this world.

And I am happy for that - and for when I get the opportunity to encounter them.

But my own experiences - not assumptions or stereotypes, but actual experiences - have left me aware of how many non-decent people there are out there.

And while the pipe dream of understanding through socialization - e.g. public baths - makes for beautiful idealism, it simply has no bearing on reality.

That's all...I'll stop yapping now. But please respond - positively or negatively - if you wish!

I've lived here in the US long enough to know that a minority should avoid anything remotely confrontational with a Caucasian person(s)...

So while I might have some choice snappy comebacks to say to that guy and the mom at Mickey D's, I simply let them know I am not Mexican or Arab respectively.

Which they countered with stony silence.

I guess you could say a braver person might have gotten angry - or at least sarcastic. But for all I know, these xenophobes would be calling 911 and tellin' them I verbally abused or threatened them in some way...

...and even though I was innocent, could I really trust a cop to be impartial?

It's just not worth the aggravation. Sad, but in a world of profiling, etc., I'd rather just stay out of it.

There are times when a reasonable exchange (and enlightenment on the part of one or both parties) is possible.

The idealist in me would like to say that such exchanges should be the norm - because in spite of conditioned reactions like fear and prejudice, people deep down are/can be reasonable.

BUT the realist in me knows how deeply so many people cling to those ingrained, conditioned thoughts, opinions etc.

Reasoning often ends up being a noble, well-intended exercise in futility.