I thought THIS is what a feminist looks like:

http://socialitelife.buzznet.com/images/2007/11/rosie_110607.jpg

http://www.jamd.com/image/g/77695976?partner=Google&epmid=0

http://www.jamd.com/image/g/3460302?partner=Google&epmid=1

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I keed, I keed!

New strips from Ruben, Keef and Carol are the highlights of my week!

Furthermore, anybody out there who works for Bair Stearns, Home Depot, CountryWide, Circuit City et al should disseminate this "Corporate Casino" ad as far and wide as is possible in the company...

Once again: nicely done, Mr. Bolling.

{P.S. - Berkeley Breathed, r u out there? This is how you do smart, savage satire...get it?}

...A baby is being raised on a relatively modest budget. Without *gasp!* a Bugaboo. Or Baby Einstein. Or $70 baby Nike shoes. Or Gymboree. Or an SUV with front/side/top/back/4th-dimension airbags.*

And you know what? In spite of all of that horrible, horrible deprivation, the kid is probably gonna be alright. With just as much a chance of finding happiness/fulfillment in his or her life as your uber-pampered Park Avenue toddlers**.

My point is not that you should feel bad about your excessive, conspicuous consumption. It's that in the age of 'helicopter parents', anxiety counselors for 3rd graders (!), Ritalin and a bevy of other pres. meds designed specifically to be marketed for kids "diseases" (is Big Pharma the new Big Tobacco?), etc. etc., please realize this: Nothing you are buying...or buying into...is giving your baby an advantage in Life over any of his/her peers that YOU think it is. Just sayin...

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[ *-By the way, to everyone saying you need an $800 stroller to get through snow: I've seen MANY $59.99 Walmart strollers make it through unshoveled snowy Minneapolis sidewalks - in one piece. Sometimes cheap, hard plastics - eco-yucky as they may be - get the job done.

I've also met yuppies basically saying that a parent who does not/cannot afford to transport their kids in a Volvo SUV in the Snow BelR are virtually guilty of child endangerment. Guess what, people: happy, healthy toddlers are being whisked around in 12 year-old Corollas with drum brakes, even in the worst winter conditions, with nary a scratch on their soft skin...=]

[** - My sample size is anecdotally small, of course...but most persons I know from pampered, upper-middle-class, wealthy backgrounds are in therapy and/or on antidepressants for a plethora of issues.

The people I know from middle- and working-class childhoods...the ones who didn't get every supposed advantage or means of luxury and pampered and baby ESL, etc etc.?

Most - not all, but most - are doin' just fine, happy without Paxil or Dr. Shrink.

Again: I'm just sayin'....]

1.) Rodney Dangerfield

2.) Margaret Cho

3.) Gilbert Gottfried

4.) Carol Burnett

5.) Rachel Dratch

Did I miss anyone? (Other than Jessica Simpson, maybe? =)

Think that's bad? Borders Books actually sells a how-to book entitled "The Clitoral Kiss".

No, I myself did not read it...but I did look at the illustrations while killing time in their cafe. =)

It doesn't just have to be recycled junk food oil that you use; one can make their biodiesel using fresh veggie oil (i.e. that has touched nary a french fry*) for about $1 a gallon.

With a little research, you can even make a winter blend of homemade biodiesel that won't coagulate, etc. even in Snow Belt winters. I'm planning to buy an old diesel Suburban and install the biodiesel kit on it; it will offer the towing/hauling capacity of a full-size SUV with significantly better mileage...and for ~ $1 a frickin' gallon?!? Try to beat that.

* - Are you Repubs still insisting on callin' em Freedom Fries, E-R?

That was a classic gem of a Simpsons episode!

My favorite parts: 1.) Homer getting in the Krusty Burger cashier kid's oily/pimply face and breathily intoning, "My God, you're greasy!"

2.) Willy rippin' off his shirt (revealing a super-ripped Scottish 6-pack/torso), just before he battles Homer to recover his "retirement grease".

=) ;-)

If/when I form a band, we shall be named the Hilarious Elks.

Our first (double-)album will be called "What About Frogs?? Volumes I and II" - and the cover will be a photo of Bret The Hitman Hart snapping cigarettes in half.

Our first single? The sure-fire smash hit Quantum Decoupling; its music video - 3 minutes of slow-mo footage of Bea Arthur unhooking various bras - will be watched 4 million times on YouTube the first day alone.

Thanks, I Googled for You!

...Has never truly been penniless.

...Has never had to go without food - or been unable to feed their family.

...Has never experienced the strife and adversity of being jobless - not in cushy USA, with welfare/unemployment checks aplenty - but in a rural Third World land.

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Yes, plastic bags are bad for the environment. Yes, they should be recycled and their use reduced wherever possible.

But treating the loss of livelihoods of 20,000 people as no big deal (or "acceptable losses" in the Green Movement) makes you just as heartless and callous as rich, pampered Republicans who could give a shit when they layoff thousands of American workers to preserve/amplify their own executive bonuses.

Myopia and inability to empathize with the little brown (or yellow) people of the world does the environmental movement no good.

It just makes us all look like privileged yuppie snobs who would sooner hug a tree than value human/social wellbeing on the same level as the spotted owl.

Just sayin...

...and an apologist for airline treatment of passengers/cattle during two-hour runway delays, etc., you're a damn fine writer, Patrick.

Beautiful article. I'm looking up pics of "Monsters" as I write this.

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Less telling passengers to just suck it up and deal with crappy airline treatment - and more columns like these!!!

...still use only typewriters and abacuses as well?

Do they hear the term "Excel spreadsheet" - and visualize a bed linen that has been smoothed and tucked very, very well?